The Beauty of the Christian Wife

We have come to the fourth sermon in the series about the submission of believers to God and his delegated authorities, as stated in 1 Peter 2:13. From this passage, 1 Peter 3:1–6, we learn about the submission of Christian wives to their husbands, whether believing or unbelieving.

In ancient Greece, and in many other cultures, a wife had to embrace the religion of the husband. But if the wife became a Christian, the husband did not have to become a Christian. If he desired to dwell with his Christian wife, he could do so, according to 1 Corinthians 7:13–14. And if the non-Christian husband refused to believe the gospel, the Christian wife had to stop speaking the gospel to him. She then could only evangelize him through praying to God and living a godly Christian life before him in the power of the Holy Spirit.

Let us, then, examine to Peter’s counsel to Christian wives. Peter himself was a married apostle, so he knew a thing or two about Christian marriage.

Submit to Your Husbands

Peter begins, “Wives, submit in the Lord to your husband, even unbelieving ones” (vv. 1–2). Christian wives are to submit in the Lord to their own husbands, even to unbelieving husbands who want to live with their believing wives.

Paul gave the same counsel:

• Ephesians 5:22–24: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
• Colossians 3:18: “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.”
• 1 Timothy 2:9–10: “I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.”
• Titus 2:4–5: “Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.”

Christian wives are to submit to even unbelieving husbands. Normally, we evangelize with the spoken gospel. But we are also to evangelize by living a holy lifestyle. Jesus said, “In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven” (Matt. 5:16).  Paul says Christian women are to dress themselves in the garment of good deeds, appropriate of women who profess to worship God (1 Tim. 2:10).

There is a way to witness and win unbelieving husbands to God through prayer and a godly life based on Scripture. C. H. Spurgeon gave an example of this from the nineteenth century:

I have read of a woman who prayed long for her husband. She used to attend a certain meeting-house in the north of England, but her husband never went with her. He was a drinking, swearing man, and she had much anguish of heart about him. She never ceased to pray, and yet she never saw any result. She went to the meeting-house quite alone, with this exception, that a dog always went with her, and this faithful animal would curl himself up under the seat and lie quiet during the service.

When she was dead, her husband was still unsaved, but doggie went to the meeting-house. His master wondered whatever the faithful animal did at the service. Curiosity made him follow the good creature. The dog led him down the aisle to his dear old mistress’s seat. The man sat on that seat, and the dog curled himself up as usual. God guided the minister that day; the word came with power, and that man wept till he found the Savior.

Never give up your husbands, good women, for the Lord may even use a dog to bring them to Christ when you are dead and gone! Never give up praying, hoping and expecting. Fear not! Believe.[1]

This is also what Monica, the mother of St. Augustine, did. She prayed and lived a godly life, and, as a result, both her unbelieving husband and son were saved. Augustine speaks in his Confessions about his mother: “She served her husband as her master, and did all she could to win him for you, [O God,] speaking to him of you by her conduct. . . . Finally, when her husband was at the end of his earthly span, she gained him for you.”[2]

When an unbelieving husband is thus won for the Lord, he loves to hear the gospel and live according to it. [3] Monica won her husband and her son through her own prayer and godly submission.

In the eyes of God, believing husbands and wives are equal. They are heirs of the grace of life. Yet God’s order in this life is that the husband is the head of the wife, the wife is to submit in the Lord to the husband, and children are to obey their parents.

An unbelieving husband may become a believer if he observes very closely for some time the holy and chaste behavior of his wife. In 1 Peter 1:14, we read, “As children of obedience, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all your conduct” (author’s translation).

Peter says, “Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every authority instituted among men” (1 Pet. 2:13). So wives must submit even to their unbelieving husbands. But those under authority to God and his delegated authorities must not obey when told to sin. We must obey God rather than men (Acts 5:29).

Our highest authority is Jesus Christ and we are to always obey him. The conduct of the wicked is filthy, as we read in 2 Peter 2:7: “[God] rescued Lot, a righteous man, who was distressed by the filthy [conduct] of lawless men.” But the behavior of a true believer is holy. Peter writes, “Just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do” (1 Pet. 1:15), meaning, in all your conduct.

The believing wife is to witness to her unbelieving husband by her holy conduct. Her submission, her reverence, her obedience, her attitude and godly deeds all demonstrate the beauty of the fruit of the Spirit, which we read about in Galatians 5:22–23: “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” Self-control is Holy-Spirit control. Paul also writes, “Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers” (1 Tim. 4:15–16).

The moral purity of the believing wife springs from the fear of God and is, therefore, most beautiful and attractive. If it is the will of God, her unbelieving spouse will take notice of this beauty of holiness, and that will result in his conversion.

External Beauty Is Not Worth Much

Peter then exhorts, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes” (v. 3). The Christian wife’s beauty must not be external and superficial, consisting of elaborate, expensive braiding of hair and fancy hairdos, wearing of gold jewelry, putting on of fashionable, expensive dresses, or expensive plastic surgery.

Outward beauty is only skin deep. It fades as we grow old. In Ecclesiastes 12 we read, “Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come. . . . when the keepers of the house tremble, and the strong men stoop, when the grinders [teeth] cease because they are few, and those looking through the windows [eyes] grow dim; when the doors to the street are closed and the sound of grinding fades; when men rise up at the sound of birds, but all their songs grow faint” (Eccl. 12:1, 3–4).

External beauty is fleeting. Isaiah speaks of this:

The Lord says, “The women of Zion are haughty, walking along with outstretched necks, flirting with their eyes, tripping along with mincing steps, with ornaments jingling on their ankles. Therefore the Lord will bring sores on the heads of the women of Zion; the Lord will make their scalps bald.” In that day the Lord will snatch away their finery: the bangles and headbands and crescent necklaces, the earrings and bracelets and veils, the headdresses and ankle chains and sashes, the perfume bottles and charms, the signet rings and nose rings, the fine robes and the capes and cloaks, the purses and mirrors, and the linen garments and tiaras and shawls. Instead of fragrance there will be a stench; instead of a sash, a rope; instead of well-dressed hair, baldness; instead of fine clothing, sackcloth; instead of beauty, branding. (Isa. 3:16–24)

Extreme external beauty cries out to all: “Look at me!” I say it is a distraction. Modesty is the mark of the true Christian wife.

The Beauty of a New Heart

Then Peter describes true beauty: “Instead, [your beauty] should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight” (v. 4). God does not look at one’s external, outward appearance; he values the internal beauty of a new heart. We read, “The Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart’” (1 Sam. 16:7).

So Paul writes, “I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God” (1 Tim. 2:9–10). In the same epistle he says, “No widow may be put on the list of widows unless she is over sixty, has been faithful to her husband, and is well known for her good deeds, such as bringing up [godly] children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the saints, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds” (1 Tim. 5:9–10). Elsewhere he writes, “Then [the older women] can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God” (Titus 2:4–5).

What matters to God is the beauty of a new heart and a new spirit. It is the beauty of a heart indwelt by the Holy Spirit. The Lord promises,

For I will take you out of the nations; I will gather you from all the countries and bring you back into your own land.  I will sprinkle clean water on you [through the preaching of the word], and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols.  I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.  And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. (Ezek. 36:24–27)

God looks for the beauty of the new mind that thinks God’s thoughts. He is impressed by such beautiful minds. (PGM) And he gives us a new will to will his will, and a new set of feelings by which we can rejoice even in sufferings, knowing that they are designed for our glory.

Instead of wearing expensive clothing, let us, then, be clothed with the following:

1. Be clothed with Christ. Paul writes, “Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the [flesh]” ( 13:14).
2. Be clothed with the Holy Spirit. Jesus said, “I am going to send you what my Father has promised; but stay in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high” (Luke 24:24–49).
3. Be clothed with the fine linen of righteous deeds. John writes, “Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting: “‘Hallelujah! For our Lord God Almighty reigns. Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear.’ (Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of the saints.)” (Rev. 19:6–8).
4. Be clothed with our new, regenerated self. Paul writes, “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness” (Eph. 4:22–24).
5. Be clothed with the fruit of the Spirit, which is “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Gal. 5:2–23).

In Proverbs 31:10 we read, “A wife of noble character who can find?” Such women are rare; we cannot find them on television or in the movies. They are the elect people of God. And in verse 31 we read that outward charm  “is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” A truly beautiful woman is one who fears the Lord. And, for those who are unmarried: When you date, make sure that your future spouse is all-glorious within. Do not be deceived by external appearances. The question is, does he or she fear the Lord?

We read about internal beauty throughout the Bible. The psalmist says, “The Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love” (Psalm 147:11). Paul writes, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless” (Eph. 5:25–27).

God is interested in the interior beauty of the heart. Paul writes, “Train yourselves to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come” (1 Pet. 4:7–8). And in Isaiah 57:15 we read, “For this is what the high and lofty One says—he who lives forever, whose name is holy: ‘I live in a high and holy place, but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite.” The almighty God dwells with those who are humble.

God looks at the imperishable Spirit-produced beauty of the heart. He is not interested in the proud; he is interested in the humble, the obedient, those who fear God, those who are born again, those who have a new mind, a new will, and a new set of affections. He looks at the beauty of the hidden self that consists in Christlikeness. He is looking for one with a meek and quiet spirit, not a self-focused person who argues and fights to get her way.

We are to be married to Christ, and so the Holy Spirit makes us like Christ in this life. Paul writes, “And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit” (2 Cor. 3:18). The Hebrews writer says, “Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord” (Heb. 12:14).

Learn from Holy Women of the Past

Then Peter gives a supporting reason from the past to show that the true unfading beauty of a Christian wife which God looks at, and is very precious in his sight, is not external but the beauty of the heart, an internal beauty which submits to the husband’s God-ordained headship. He writes, “For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear” (vv. 5–6).

The holy women of the past who were hoping in and trusting in God’s Messiah used to make themselves beautiful by submitting to their own husbands. Spiritual beauty, which God sees and values highly, is submissive to God and his delegated authorities, which, in this case, are husbands.

This beauty is:

1. The internal beauty of the heart.
2. Imperishable, heavenly beauty.
3. Holy Spirit-produced beauty.
4. The beauty of submission, obedience, reverence, good works, and fearlessness due to trust in God.
5. Proof that such women are children of Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and respected him by calling him “Lord.”
6. Precious beauty, that is, it is out of this world.
7. Eternal, divine, God-created beauty in the hearts of his people.

Sarah was a sinner, as we read in Genesis 16. But Sarah’s sin was totally forgiven in Jesus Christ. Peter is citing Sarah as the exemplar and mother of all godly women, and therefore they also are beautiful women. As Abraham is the father of all believers, Sarah is the mother of all godly women.

Application

In light of this passage, let us test ourselves and see if we have the godly beauty Peter is describing. If you say yes to the following questions, you will pass the test. But if you fail, ask God to help you repent and believe. God will forgive you and make you beautiful by working within you by his Spirit.

1. Do you refuse to rely on and be preoccupied with external beauty?
2. Are you a regenerate person with a new heart and a new spirit, that you are governed by the Holy Spirit and the holy Scripture?
3. Do you submit to God and your husband, who is God’s delegated authority in your life?
4. Do you live daily by repentance and saving faith?
5. Are you a daughter of Sarah, who submitted to her husband, obeyed him, and called him Lord?
6. Do you believe in the biblical truth of 1 Samuel 16:7, that God does not look at man’s outward appearance but, rather, at the heart?
7. Are you a wife of noble character who is being made holy and radiant by Christ himself, your heavenly bridegroom?

If you answered yes to all these questions, you can be assured that you are truly beautiful with heavenly beauty in God’s sight. But if you did not, cry out to God. He will help you to answer yes as he makes you beautiful in his sight.

“Let your beauty be that of the hidden man of the heart, the unfading, imperishable beauty of a meek and quiet spirit which is very precious in the sight of God.” May God help us all to be made beautiful in this way as the bride of Christ. May we be clothed with Christ, clothed with the Spirit, clothed with the fruit of the Spirit, and be made like Christ because his bride must be like him. And may we all submit ourselves to God’s work of making us beautiful in his sight.

[1] C.H. Spurgeon, “Fear Not” (Sermon 1533), The Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit, vol. 26 (Pasadena, TX: Pilgrim, 1980), 234.

[2] Augustine, Confessions, 9:19–22.

[3] By the way, if you are a believer and unmarried, you are to marry, according to the Scripture, only a believer (1 Cor. 7:39).