Admonish One Another

Romans 15:14
Gregory Perry | Sunday, July 15, 2018
Copyright © 2018, Gregory Perry
Language [Japanese]

We are going to continue our series on the “one another” commands found in the Bible by looking at the exhortation, “Admonish one another.” It is important to remember that these “one another” exhortations are commands. They should not be qualified so that we say, “Pray for one another, if you feel like it,” or, “Serve one another, if it is convenient,” or, “Honor one another, if you really like the person.” As with all commands from God, we will be blessed if we obey, and we will be cursed if we disobey. We must approach these “one anothers” with that understanding in mind.

Before we look more specifically at the call to admonish one another, let me begin more generally by asking: What is true Christian fellowship? John says, “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin” (1 John 1:7). Christian fellowship (Gk., koinonia) is key to a victorious Christian life. The essence of koinonia is believers in Christ being in agreement with one another, being united in purpose, and serving alongside each other.

Now, when people look at 1 John 1:7, they often ask, “Does ‘fellowship with one another’ refer to our fellowship with Christ or our fellowship with one another as fellow believers?” The answer is “Yes.” We should not make such a fine distinction between our fellowship with Christ and our fellowship with our brothers in Christ because, from God’s perspective, the two always go hand-in-hand. Faith in Christ brings us into union with him and with all who are joined with him. We cannot love God without loving our fellow believers because we all belong to the family of God. To be in fellowship with the Father necessitates being in fellowship with his other children who are our brothers and sisters in Christ.

In his commentary on 1 John, Pastor P. G. Mathew says, “Solo Christianity is a violation of God’s word.” Solo Christianity is a “Just me and Jesus” mentality. So we read, “Solo Christianity is a violation of God’s word. Love requires that we be interested and involved in the lives of others. God wants his people to live in such close relationship that we know each other’s needs.”[1] And not only do we know each other’s needs, but we also know each other’s problems and sins so that we can help each other.

Fellowship is not just two people who profess Christ spending time together, just hanging out together. Do not think that just because you are professing Christians and you happen to be in the same room together that you are having real Christian fellowship. You can hang out with a fellow believer all day without any real Christian fellowship occurring. In other words, your fellowship may just be in the worldly interests you share: the music you like, the sports that you play, the academics you are both interested in, the hobbies you have. That is a certain kind of fellowship, but it is not the true Christian fellowship we are talking about.

In true fellowship, what we share in common is Christ. It is iron sharpening iron in Christ. So when true Christians gather together, they are having fellowship when they pray for each other, encourage one another in their Christian walk, share testimonies with each other of what God has done in their lives, or worship God together. That is true Christian fellowship.

We must examine the quality of the time we spend with our fellow believers. We must do so because God himself examines the quality of that fellowship. In Malachi 3:16 we read, “Then those who feared the Lord talked with each other, and the Lord listened and heard.” You see, where two or three are gathered together in Christ’s name, there he is in their midst. And he wants to know, if he is in the midst of us, if his people are having true fellowship in Christ.

In this study we want to look at admonishing one another, especially in the context of fellowship, because admonishing one another is one aspect of true Christian fellowship. It is a part of loving one another. It is being our brother’s keeper.

This iron-sharpening-iron fellowship cannot happen without brothers and sisters faithfully admonishing one another. Let us, then, begin by looking carefully at Romans 15:14. Paul writes, “I myself am convinced, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, complete in knowledge and competent to instruct one another” (italics added). That is the New International Version. It is more literally translated in the King James Version or the New American Standard Version, where we read that we are able to “admonish one another.” The word translated “instruct” in the New International Version and “admonish” in the King James Version is “noutheteô,” which means to confront, to admonish, to warn, or to exhort.

Noutheteô does not refer to casual communication and normal teaching or counseling. It implies a definite exhortation, a correction being brought. This term comes especially from the teaching of Professor Jay Adams. He uses it to refer to a type of counseling in which the counselor or pastor is confronting people in their sins and calling them to repent and to bring about the change that God desires. The word “noutheteô” comes from “nous,” which means “mind,” and “tithêmi,” which means “to put in.” So noutheteô means to put in someone’s mind, and, especially in the context of biblical Christianity, to put the word of God into someone’s mind, to confront that person in his sins.

We want to make three points about admonishing one another: first, admonishing others; second, the qualifications to admonish; and, third, being admonished.

Admonishing Others

The Bible frequently tells us of the importance of admonishing our fellow believers. We know that in a church, the primary responsibility to admonish others is given to ministers. They do so as God’s delegated spiritual authorities. Paul says, “Now we ask you, brothers, to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord”—they are your authorities—”and who admonish you” (1 Thess. 5:12).

That is a description of what the job of the spiritual authorities is. They are to admonish us. And they are to do so not only from the pulpit, to the congregation in general, but also specifically to people in private counseling situations. Sometimes a minister will exhort the whole church, hoping the people who are in need of the exhortation are listening. But the truth is, often they are not listening. So, yes, such public rebuke is important, but it cannot supersede personal confrontation. Those who have a sports background may remember the type of coach who, when the star player is being lazy, would turn around and yell at the whole team instead of the star player, because he did not want to offend the star player. But real admonishing is not just exhorting the church in general; it especially occurs when the word comes to us personally. That is where the test comes.

This command to admonish one another is not just the responsibility of ministers as authorities. Other authorities are also to admonish. Parents especially are to admonish their children, as we read in Ephesians 6:4. They are to bring up the children in the teaching and admonition of the Lord.

Yet that is not really what Paul is speaking about in Romans 15:14. It is true that all delegated authorities have a responsibility to admonish those under them. But today we are looking at the command to all of us to admonish one another. You see, the command does not stop with the responsibility of delegated authorities admonishing those under them. This is saying, “Admonish one another.”

This is directly stated also in Colossians 3:16. Paul writes, “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom.” You see, we are to be ongoingly admonishing one another. Paul speaks similarly in 1 Thessalonians 5:14 (ESV). He begins, “And we urge you, brothers.” Notice, he is addressing the brothers; that means he is speaking to the whole church. “And we urge you, brothers, to admonish the idle.” He is not saying that only pastors are to go and admonish the idle. The brothers are also to go and admonish their fellow believers. Similarly, in 2 Thessalonians 3:15 (KJV), we read, “Yet count him not as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.” So notice, a brother is to go to the other brother and admonish him. Both of these are written in the context of confronting those who are not willing to work.

Thus, an important aspect of loving our brothers is admonishing or correcting them when we see them going astray. If we are unwilling to confront a brother in his sin, it is simply because we do not care enough about him. We say that because we know that disobedience brings curse, and a person who does not try to correct his brother is saying that he is fine with the brother cursing himself. Though we know that sin has serious and even eternal consequences, we may have decided that it is just not worth the hassle to intervene. Moreover, we live in a very non-confrontational society—a society in which a boss is more likely to just fire the employee and never really tell him why.

It takes not only love but also courage to confront people in their sinful behavior. You see, the coward will just go and talk behind a person’s back and tell someone else what the person’s problems are. They do so mostly because they do not want to be hated or despised by the sinning brother.

In Romans 15:14, where Paul speaks about being competent to instruct, as it is translated in the NIV, or competent to admonish, he uses the word dunamenoi, which means “to be made powerful.” We need to be made powerful to admonish others. And the indwelling Holy Spirit will empower us to admonish our brothers and sisters in Christ so that we will have the courage to go and speak in love to them. That is why we should appreciate a brother or an elder who has the love and courage to admonish us. That person is risking being despised by taking the time to give us a life-giving rebuke. In fact, in Proverbs 9:7–8, we read, “Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse. Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you.” And if we do hate the one who brings us correction, who admonishes us, it is because we ourselves are mockers and wicked people, according to Proverbs 9.

It is always easier to let someone ruin his life and then come along afterwards and sympathize with him. We may see the train wreck coming, but we do not want to get in the way and say anything.  But afterwards we will come to the person and put our arms around him and say, “That’s okay. We’ll pray for you now.” But that is not being a true brother in the Lord. That is not being a true pastor, in the context of pastoral responsibility. I once asked a pastor in another church, “What would you and your church do if you knew someone in your church was living in a sinful relationship while in the church?” He said, “Honestly, if someone was in a sinful relationship and we came to find out about it,” and he clarified that they normally would not find out about these things, “we would simply love them and pray for them.” That is not ministry. That is not fellowship. And, no, that is not love.

In reference to this, Pastor Mathew says that we must pray for the brother who sins. Then he says, “But we must do more. We also have a responsibility to confront and counsel the sinning brother. We are the watchmen appointed by God to watch our brothers and sisters in Christ.”[2]

This idea of being a watchman applies to pastors and other leaders, but it also applies to brothers and sisters. We are our brother’s keepers. The Lord spoke of this to Ezekiel: “Son of man, I have made you a watchman for the house of Israel; so hear the word I speak and give them warning from me.” We are to warn others. The Lord continues, “When I say to a wicked man, ‘You will surely die, ‘ and you do not warn him or speak out to dissuade him from his evil ways in order to save his life,”—in other words, you did not want to say anything. You just wanted to pray for him. What happens to that person? “that wicked man will die for his sin” – it helps contribute to his death – “and I will hold you accountable for his blood.” You see, God holds us accountable for each other. “But if you do warn the wicked man and he does not turn from his wickedness or from his evil ways, he will die for his sin; but you will have saved yourself” (Ezek. 3:17–19).

We are our brother’s keepers. Whether we take that responsibility or not, God will hold us accountable. If we say nothing, we will be held responsible for our silence. It will be a sin of omission, because we are called to speak but decided not to. We failed to do what God told us to do. In this sense, therefore, every believer has a pastoral responsibility, as we see throughout the Scripture. An important passage is Matthew 18:15. The Lord Jesus begins, “If your brother sins against you.” And what are we supposed to do? Are we supposed to go and tell our elder so the elder can go and confront him? Are we supposed to put our arms around the sinner and pray for him? Yes, it is good to pray for our sinning brother, but that is not what Jesus is saying here. Are we supposed to go and tell our friends so that they can gossip about it? No. Jesus says, “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.” That is confrontation. That is admonishing our brother in love.

James says, “My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins” (Jas. 5:19–20). When we confront a fellow believer in his sin and bring him to repentance, it is not only for that person’s good but it is good for the whole church. This is body ministry at work, for the building up of God’s holy church.

Pastor Mathew says, “Anyone who sees another person sin is God’s watchman. This mandate is clear, and it is important that we observe it, for a sinner not only hurts himself, but also the whole assembly of God. Because we are one in Christ, what one person does affects the rest.”[3] Let us, then, examine the what, how, and why of admonishing others.

Corrective Admonishment

First, when we talk about admonishing others, we need to recognize that there are two kinds of admonishment. The first type is corrective admonishment, which is when we admonish someone to repent of sin. We may have observed our brother and noticed that he is engaged in sin. Thus, we must call him to repent of the sin, whether it is a sin of commission (doing something he has been told not to do) or a sin of omission (not doing something he has been told to do). For example, the Bible says, “Do not steal.” So if we see someone stealing, we must admonish him to steal no longer. Or, the Bible says,
“Honor your parents.” If we see someone who is not honoring his parents, we must go and admonish him.  Jesus said, “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him” (Luke 17:3). All this comes under the heading of corrective admonishment.

Preventive Admonishment

But there is a second type of admonishment, one that is sometimes overlooked but very important. It is called preventive admonishment. We must not just wait until people sin and then tell them to repent; we must also warn them to stay away from sin, especially when we see them drifting in the direction of going into sin.

Real ministry, real admonishment is to speak before someone sins. We all know that fire prevention is always more helpful than putting out the fire after it is started. If we wait for the fire to begin, we will lose something, or maybe even everything. Sin, like fire, always does damage.

An example of preventive admonishment is found in Proverbs 7. There we see a youth who needed admonishment. He was not committing adultery; he merely lacked judgment. So we read, “[Wisdom and understanding] will keep you from the adulteress, from the wayward wife with her seductive words. . . . I saw among the simple, I noticed among the young men, a youth who lacked judgment. He was going down the street near her corner, walking along in the direction of her house” (Prov. 7:5, 7–8).

When people know us and we are in fellowship and close relationship with them, they can see when we are going in a direction that is not good and not toward a good end. In those situations, we must practice preventive admonishment. And if we ourselves are confronted by a fellow believer, we may say, “What is your problem with me? I haven’t committed adultery. I haven’t done anything terrible.” But those who are confronting us will say, “No, but we see you drifting in that direction.” Then we should be so glad that someone has the love to speak to us, not only when they see us engaging in sin, but also when they see us drifting in the direction of sin.

How to Admonish

How should we admonish?  We must admonish others with deep concern and love. The example of Paul comes to mind. In Acts 20, he was speaking to the Ephesian elders at Miletus. Looking back on his time when he was ministering to the Ephesian church, he said, “Therefore be alert, remembering that for three years I did not cease night or day to admonish every one with tears” (Acts 20:31, ESV). Notice, he spoke night and day. His was not a once-in-a-lifetime admonishing; it was ongoing. Why did he say he admonished them with tears? It was because the apostle had a burden for their souls. He was speaking to them out of a loving concern for their spiritual and eternal well-being. And to the Corinthian church Paul wrote, “I do not write these things to make you ashamed, but to admonish you as my beloved children” (1 Cor. 4:14, ESV). He is admonishing them as his beloved children. The admonishment was an act and expression of love.

Our concern and love should be evident when we admonish our fellow believers in Christ.  We are to speak to them in a way that is respectful and especially in a way that makes it clear that we are coming to them out of love. We must exercise what is known as “tough love.” The Bible says that we are to “speak the truth in love.” Yes, it is true that people should receive our correction no matter how we say it. But it is much harder to receive correction when it comes from a wrong spirit. So even as we are preparing to admonish our fellow believers, we must pray: “God, give me the right heart in doing this work that you are calling me to do.” The person we are admonishing still may not accept it, but this is the right way to approach it because we will be speaking to them out of a concern for their well-being.

Why Admonish Others

Why should we admonish others? This is important because our words must flow from pure motives. We must admonish others because we love them. And, more specifically, admonishment must have the goal of helping our fellow believers become more mature in Christ. That is what we see plainly set forth in Colossians 1:28–29. Paul writes, “We proclaim [Christ], admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ.” Paul wanted to see his fellow believers perfected, brought to maturity in Christ. Then he goes on to say: “To this end”—the end of making them perfect in Christ—“I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me.”

The point here is that we must not go and admonish people with the motive of winning some argument or putting ourselves above them or setting ourselves up as their pastor. We must be careful to understand this because people can take this word about admonishing one another and create problems within the church. We must not take this word and decide we are going to become Captain Critic who is looking to correct everyone else’s problems all the time. That is not good for the unity of the church. Additionally, some people do love to meddle in other people’s affairs. This is what the Bible calls being a busybody. So this is not a call to do that. Sometimes love necessitates overlooking certain minor wrongs. We are not here to nitpick one another. We must not make the call to admonish one another an avenue for sowing division in the church.

Therefore, it is good to seek counsel about potentially confronting someone, especially if you are not particularly involved in that person’s situation. Perhaps you have made an observation from afar and think you may have a word to give that person. It is best to go first to the church leaders and ask, “Is this a proper word to bring to that person?” After all, you may not have all the information about that person’s situation, and you may not need to have all the information. So we must be careful that we are admonishing one another for the purpose of building up the body of Christ, not for the purpose of tearing it down and sowing division amongst ourselves.

Qualifications to Admonish

What qualifies us to be able to admonish, especially according to Romans 15:14? In theory, all Christians are qualified to admonish their fellow Christians. That is why Paul gives this directive to all believers. But then he gives further qualifications. He says we must be “full of goodness and complete in knowledge.” He is saying this for a reason. What, then, will make us competent to admonish others?

Full of Goodness

First, be “full of goodness.” That word “goodness” speaks about moral excellence. But it is not a moral excellence native to us. It must be created by the Holy Spirit in us because none of us has goodness naturally in us. Paul says, “There is no one who does good, not even one” (Rom. 3:12).

We are all born bad trees, and we are only made good trees through God’s work of regeneration. We were dead in our transgressions and sins, but we have been made alive with Christ. And now, having been made good trees, we then produce good fruit. So the idea of being full of goodness is saying that we are Christians, good trees who are abundantly fruitful. We are people who are full of goodness. We are making progress in our own Christian lives. We oppose evil ideas and evil deeds, whether they come from us or from people around us. We are full of goodness, wrought in us by the work of the Holy Spirit.

In other words, we need to clean up our own lives before we help others clean up theirs. Jesus said this very clearly in the Sermon on the Mount: “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye” (Matt. 7:3–5).

It is true that believers should listen to correction from anyone, even unbelievers. But we must not make it harder for others to receive our admonishment by playing the hypocrite. We ourselves must not be Pharisees, who were known as hypocrites. In Matthew 23, Jesus calls them hypocrites repeatedly. For example, in verse 4 he says, “[The Pharisees] tie up heavy loads and put them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them” (Matt. 23:4).

So we should not be the drunkard who is telling people not to drink too much, or the sluggard who is exhorting people to work hard. If we are full of goodness, that qualifies us to admonish others because we ourselves will be living holy lives. When we set such an example, then we can tell others to follow Christ as we do.

This qualification of moral excellence should not be used an excuse to avoid confronting people; rather, it should be a reminder that we must repent of our own sins before we confront others. In other words, if we read Romans 15:14 and say, “That doesn’t describe me. I am not full of goodness, so I must not be qualified to speak to anyone,” the word for us is not, “Don’t speak to anybody”; it is, “Qualify yourself. Repent of your sins.” Jesus did not say, “Do not worry about the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye.” He said, “First, remove the plank in your own eye; then you can help your brother remove the speck of sawdust from his eye.”

Complete in Knowledge

The second qualification is to be “complete in knowledge.” This is telling us that admonishment must be based on God’s specific will as revealed in the Scriptures. We must have an adequate knowledge of the word of God to be effective in admonishing others. In other words, to point others in the right direction, we need to know what the right direction is. And we can only know the right direction from God’s word that reveals it.

Admonishment must be biblical. As we said about noutheteô, it means to put God’s word into the mind. It is not putting just anything in the mind. It is not admonishing people to adopt our personal preferences, or our hollow philosophy, or pop psychology or the worldly wisdom of Oprah Winfrey or Dr. Phil. No, it is admonishing people only from the Scriptures.

So we are not admonishing others by saying, “You need to be a vegan,” or with the worldly wisdom, “You ought to raise your kids by being buddies with them.” That is not saying what the word of God is saying. It is not telling people, “You should not drive your SUVs.” This is all worldly wisdom. It has nothing to do with the word of God.

The Pharisees loved to push extra-biblical requirements onto others. We read, “The Pharisees and some of the teachers of the law who had come from Jerusalem gathered around Jesus and saw some of his disciples eating food with hands that were ‘unclean,’ that is, unwashed. (The Pharisees and all the Jews do not eat unless they give their hands a ceremonial washing, holding to the tradition of the elders. When they come from the marketplace they do not eat unless they wash. And they observe many other traditions, such as the washing of cups, pitchers and kettles.) So the Pharisees and teachers of the law asked Jesus, ‘Why don’t your disciples live according to the tradition of the elders instead of eating their food with ‘unclean’ hands?’” (Mark 7:1–5). The Pharisees thought they should admonish Jesus and his disciples. They were rebuking them, not for violating the word of God, but for not following the customs of men. Jesus said of them elsewhere, “They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men” (Matt. 15:9).

Paul also faced this problem of people wanting to add extra-biblical requirements. He wrote to the Colossian believers, “Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: ‘Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!’?” You see, those are all rules of the world. They have nothing to do with the word of God. Paul continued, “These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence” (Col. 2:20–23).

Admonishment must be according to the word of God. So when we admonish someone to work hard, we are speaking to them according to the word of God, which tells us many times about the importance of working hard to the glory of God. If we admonish someone to honor the Lord’s Day, we are telling him to obey a clear commandment from the Lord. Suppose we tell children to obey their parents, or husbands to love their wives, or wives to submit to their husbands. Suppose we say, “Seek first the kingdom of God.” These are all biblical commands that we are admonishing people to obey. We are to apply them to the personal lives of our brothers and sisters especially if we observe that the road that they are on is not the road that God has given us.

Being Admonished

The third point is being admonished. The call is to admonish one another. We may like it to have just said, “Admonish,” or, “Admonish others,” but that is not what it says. It says, “Admonish one another.” Pastor Mathew recently said that all these “one anothers” are a two-way road. The arrows have to go both ways. It is not just that we admonish others, but others also must admonish us. It is a two-fold duty, both to give and to receive admonishment.

Sometimes it is easier to receive admonishment than to give it, especially when dealing with peers. Some people may have a hard time admonishing others. Yet especially for those who are proud, it is harder to receive correction than to give it, for it takes humility to receive correction. So we must avoid having a “Don’t touch me” mentality. This is very important. Some people exude this attitude: “Don’t touch me. Don’t get in my way. Don’t confront me. Don’t correct me.” But the humble welcome correction and benefit from it.

The book of Proverbs speaks much about receiving correction. Consider the following:

• Proverbs 12:1: “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.” It is stupid to hate correction because that correction is for our own good. It is self-defeating to hate correction.
• Proverbs 12:15: “The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.”
• Proverbs 15:10: “Stern discipline awaits him who leaves the path; he who hates correction will die.” Suppose a person leaves the path of life. Correction comes so that he can get back to the right way. But if he hates that correction, he will die, for he has already left the path of life.
• Proverbs 15:12: “A mocker resents correction; he will not consult the wise.” A mocker resents that person speaking to him. He says, “Who is he to speak to me about my problem?” And if a person resents correction from his pastor or elder, how much more will he resent the correction from a fellow believer, a fellow brother in the Lord. Such a person will not consult the wise, meaning he will not seek correction from the one who is pointing him to the way of life and blessing.
• Proverbs 29:1: “A man who remains stiff-necked after many rebukes will suddenly be destroyed—without remedy.”  To be stiff-necked means that the person is not listening to the correction; he refuses to hear the rebuke. But what happens to him? He is suddenly destroyed, and that without remedy. You see, it is without remedy because the correction, the rebuke, was the remedy. He refused it, so there is nothing else that can be done. There is no plan B. The rebuke was God’s word for him to come out and find life. But the stiff-necked man refuses to listen to correction.

May God help us all to welcome and appreciate correction. May our hearts be like the heart of the psalmist, who says, “Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness; let him rebuke me—it is oil on my head. My head will not refuse it” (Ps. 141:5).

Application

In application, we want to consider a correction scale, that is, a five-step ascending scale of ways in which we receive correction. We must all evaluate where we stand on this scale of correction. There are five categories, from worst to best.

Despising Correction

The first category is despising correction. This describes a person who, when he is corrected, rejects it outright. Such a person will disagree, argue, and be quick to defend himself. He will justify himself, make excuses, and blame other people. In so doing, he will utterly fail to receive the correction.  He cannot receive correction because he despises it.

Accepting Correction

The second category is accepting correction. I am not using the word “accepting” in an entirely positive way. Some people may outwardly agree with the correction and may even give lip service to it. They are not going to argue or outwardly speak against the admonition. In fact, they may even confess their sin and thank the admonisher for speaking to them. But in the end, there is no true change.  So both despising correction and accepting correction in this sense are really the same. One just looks nicer than the other; it is more dressed up. But this way of accepting correction is more like a strategy to let the issue drop. While being admonished, the person is thinking, “I hate what you are saying to me. I resent it with all my heart. But I will just say, ‘Yes, I get it. Forgive me, and let’s move on.’” Such a person does not really repent or change. So both despising correction and accepting correction are negative categories.

Heeding Correction

The third category is positive: it describes the person who heeds correction, which means that he actually repents and changes, based on the correction he has been given. He was going the wrong way, but now, after hearing the word, he reversed his course and he is now going on the right way. Proverbs speaks about this idea of heeding correction. For example, in Proverbs 15:5 we read, “A fool spurns his father’s discipline, but whoever heeds correction shows prudence.” And Proverbs 15:32 says, “He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding.” Such a person will hear and do the word of God and be blessed. So now we may wonder, “What else is there? I see myself at number three. How can there be two other categories?”

Seeking Correction

Believe it or not, there is something beyond heeding correction. The fourth category, which is better than heeding, is seeking correction. This is important. Such a person will ask his elders or his brothers and sisters in the Lord who know him well to correct him. In fact, he will develop such relationships with others so that they feel free to correct him. He does not exhibit the “don’t touch me” mentality. And when people do come and speak to him, he will be ready to listen. He will not just plow ahead with his ideas until someone dares to get in his way and stop him. No, he will seek correction ahead of time. He will say, “You see, this is what I am thinking. Is this the right way to go?” We benefit by seeking correction. Our pastor has repeatedly said that his door is open for those who want to hear what they need to hear or to seek counsel for the direction they are thinking of going in life. Some people have been blessed by doing that. But many people do not come. They think, “Well, if the pastor comes and speaks to me, then I will heed what he says—perhaps.” Are you in that category? Or are you one who seeks correction?

Loving Correction

Yet there is still another, even better category; it is loving correction. Proverbs 9:8 says, “Rebuke a wise man and he will love you.” We should not only seek correction and heed it, but we should also love the correction. I am not saying that correction feels good all the time. It does not. But I deeply appreciate and love the people who have had the love and courage to come to me and bring me life-giving rebukes.

Proverbs 25:12 says, “Like an earring of gold or an ornament of fine gold is a wise man’s rebuke to a listening ear.” It is more valuable than gold. We need to have a deep appreciation for the grace of being admonished and recognize that the person who is giving us that rebuke is doing it out of love. And when we do so, we will return that love with love. Then we are truly loving one another.

What about you? Where are you on this correction scale? Pray and ask God to show you. Do not say, “Yes, I know where I am. I am right here.” Ask God in humility to show you. For example, if you are in the fourth category, what will you do? You will seek counsel from others. You will ask someone else what he or she thinks. We must not rely on our own evaluations. We may say, “I am a five. I am in the love category.” But someone who knows us well may say, “No, you are more like a two.” So we must go and ask—ask our elders, ask our pastor, ask our roommates, ask our spouse, and ask others who know us well. We must ask, if we really want to know where we are in this correction scale.

We are our brothers’ keepers. That is the job God has given us. It is not a matter of whether we are going to accept it or not. It is a command. Therefore, we must be serious to obey this command to admonish one another. Our interest is not just in our personal holiness. That is very important, but our interest is beyond that. Our interest is that the whole body of Christ “be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, so that we all would attain to the whole measure of all the fullness of Christ” (Eph. 4:12–13).

Thank God that we are in a church where people have the love and Spirit-given courage to confront us in our sins, so that we may repent and walk on the blessed highway of holiness. Thank God for giving us a pastor who has taught and modeled for us in this nouthetic way.  May God fill us all with his Spirit, so that we may both give proper correction to our brothers and sisters, and that we may also receive correction in humility. Amen.

[1] P. G. Mathew, The Normal Church Life: An Exposition of the First Epistle of John (Secunderabad, India: OM Books, 2006), 279–280.

[2] Mathew, Normal Church Life, 280.

[3] Mathew, Normal Church Life, 281.