God’s View of Marriage

Mark 10:1-12
Gregory Perry | Sunday, December 06, 2020
Copyright © 2020, Gregory Perry

Mark 10:1-12: 1 Jesus then left that place and went into the region of Judea and across the Jordan. Again crowds of people came to him, and as was his custom, he taught them.

2 Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”

3 “What did Moses command you?” he replied.

4 They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.”

5 “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. 6 “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ 7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh. ‘So they are no longer two, but one. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

10 When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. 11 He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12 And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”

 

Concerning the state of marriage in this country, I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that the divorce rate in this country has gone down in recent years. It is actually the lowest that it has been in about 50 years. It used to hover around 50%, but now it is hovering more around 40%.

But the bad news is that this does not mean that the state of marriage is improving in this country. In fact, the divorce rate is only really going down because the marriage rate has also plummeted in recent years. Less people are getting married because they just do not see the point in it.

The truth of the matter is that the institution of marriage in this country remains a mess and is just getting messier. Our corrupt culture views marriage as an arrangement between two people (regardless of gender) that is to last only as long as both partners still feel like keeping it together, and no longer.

The authors of the book How and When To Let Go give this typically worldly advice about marriage and divorce: “Your marriage can wear out. People change their values and lifestyles. People want to experience new things. Change is a part of life. Change and personal growth are traits for you to be proud of, indicative of a vital searching mind. You must accept the reality that in today’s multifaceted world it is especially easy for two persons to grow apart. Letting go of your marriage—if it is no longer fulfilling—can be the most successful thing you have ever done. Getting a divorce can be a positive, problem-solving, growth-oriented step. It can be a personal triumph.”

This passage epitomizes our corrupt culture’s view on marriage. The heart of what they are saying here is that the most important thing in marriage (and in life) is self-fulfillment. “Let me be me.” This is the way that seems right to the people of this country, but in the end it leads to destruction.

But this is not God’s view of marriage. And it is only God’s view that matters. What does God say about marriage? What does God say about divorce? Obedience to God is more important than “self-fulfillment.” Or perhaps better put: the path of true fulfillment is found in obedience to God.

God’s view of marriage is articulated by Jesus in our passage this morning—Mark 10:1-12. We will look at three points from this passage:

1. The Pharisees’ Test
2. Moses’ Permission
3. God’s Ideal

1. The Test of the Pharisees (v. 2):

Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”

As was their custom, the Pharisees again come to Jesus with the purpose of testing Him and trying to catch Him in His words. They do not come to hear His wisdom and be instructed in the ways of truth. Instead, their goal is to undermine Jesus and expose Him as a fraud. They want to humiliate Him in front of the ever-growing crowds that have come to follow Him. They are “testing” Jesus in order to trap Him. Not surprisingly the same word is used to describe Satan’s “testing” Jesus in the desert.

In “testing” Jesus with this question on divorce, the Pharisees are trying to get Him to take a side in an on-going Jewish debate. If Jesus is forced to take a side, then they can at least split His followers. They used this same tactic earlier when they asked Him whether the Jews should pay taxes to Rome. If He said “yes” the Jews who opposed Roman rule would be angry with Jesus; if he said “no” the Roman authorities would have a case against Him for sedition.

We are told repeatedly in Mark that the Pharisees “tested” Jesus. They test Him here on divorce. They tested Him about paying taxes (Mark 12:15). They tested Him about healing on the Sabbath (Mark 3:2). They tested Him by demanding a sign (Mark 8:11).

By testing Jesus, the Pharisees were putting themselves above Jesus. After all, the superior tests the inferior. I teach a US History class at our prestigious high school. I as the teacher test the students on the material; the students do not test me as the teacher.

Throughout the years around the office, Pastor has very often quizzed me (and others) on the daily Bible reading. For example, when we are reading Joel, he may ask, “How many times does Joel use the phrase ‘the day of the Lord’?” He is testing to see how carefully I have done my Bible reading. But I have never quizzed Pastor on the Bible reading. I don’t come into the office asking Pastor to give me the names of all of King David’s mighty men. It would not be proper. Pastor quizzes me; I don’t quiz him.

But the Pharisees saw themselves as superior to Jesus. That is why they tested Him. But Jesus is Lord. He is the ultimate superior. These Pharisees should have come and put themselves under Jesus and look to learn from Him.

We must be careful that we do not come to the Word of God with the same spirit of these Pharisees. Do we come to the Bible to question it, or do we let the Word of God question us? We are told in Scripture that “the word of God is living and active,” and it “judges the thoughts and attitudes of our hearts.” So we need to humble ourselves and let God’s word judge and convict us, rather than we arrogantly sit in judgment on the Word.

Here the Pharisees are testing Jesus on His views on divorce, hoping that He will be forced to take sides on an issue that splintered the Jewish community of the time. In Israel in those days, there were two major schools of thought on divorce: one held by the school of Shammai and the other held by the school of Hillel.

The issue mainly surrounded the interpretation of Deuteronomy 24:1: “If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce…” The controversy centered on what was included in that “something indecent” phrase.

The more conservative Shammai school taught that “indecency” only referred to “sexual immorality.” A marriage could be dissolved essentially only if a woman (not a man) was found guilty of marital impropriety, especially manifested in the act of adultery.

The more liberal school of Hillel interpreted “indecency” much more widely. A man could divorce his wife if she spoiled his dinner or if she was seen walking in public with her hair down. One Rabbi in the Hillel school even said a man could divorce his wife if he found another more beautiful woman to marry (which is essentially the modern American view).

The Pharisees wanted to know from Jesus: which school are you in? They could at least cut His supporters in half by His answer.

It could also be that the Pharisees were trying to bait Jesus into trouble by getting Him to speak against divorce altogether. After all, John the Baptist was beheaded for confronting Herod on his divorce and marital infidelity.

           What we learn from all this is that we need to be careful about how we approach the Lord. We must come to Him in a spirit of humility, praying, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Ps. 139:23-24).

2. Permitted under Moses (vv. 3-5):

“What did Moses command you?” he replied. 4 They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.” 5 “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied.

When Jesus questions the Pharisees about what Moses commanded, He exposes that they (like many other Jews of the time) were trying to find justification for divorce under the Deuteronomy 24 provision. In other words, they attempted to legitimize divorce.

When Jesus asks what Moses commanded, the Pharisees immediately point to Deuteronomy 24; while Jesus instead points back to Genesis, which records God’s institution of marriage. Moses did not commend or advise or okay divorce, especially when you view Moses as also the divinely-inspired author of Genesis.

The truth is that Deuteronomy 24 in no way sanctions (promotes, supports, authorizes, or endorses) divorce. Moses is not here holding divorce as a legitimate alternative to staying married.

If you read Deuteronomy 24:1 carefully, it is plain that this verse is not commanding or commending divorce; it is simply describing what is: “If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce…” It does not say if a man finds something indecent in his wife he must (or should) write her a certificate of divorce. It just says that this is what he does.

This passage is just describing what is. It is not indicating that certificates of divorce are something that are valid in God’s sight. It is like in 1 Corinthians 15, when Paul speaks of the baptisms of the dead that were occurring in Corinth. He is not promoting or accepting such baptisms, he is just using their existence in order to make a point about the resurrection of the dead.

The fact of the matter is that there is no verse in the Bible that sets the policy of issuing a certificate of divorce. It is just spoken of as something that already exists in Jewish society. It is not God-authored; it is man-made. It is not from the word of God, but from the traditions of men. And woe to us when we treat the traditions of men as the words of God (see Matthew 15:6).

If you look at Deuteronomy 24 in context, it is clear that the point of the passage is not to validate the practice of divorce; rather, the purpose of the passage is to ban men from trying to re-marry wives they already divorced.

Jesus then makes clear that God through Moses only allowed divorce because of man’s hardness of heart. Divorce is not a legitimate solution to marriage problems; it is not a solution to sin. No, all divorce is due to sin. Divorce is sin.

Looking at Deuteronomy 24 in context, we see that divorce is not allowed for the purpose of making it okay to break your marriage covenant. This policy of certificate of divorce is (at best) reluctant permission. Perhaps it is a form of divine concession to human weakness. But it cannot be taken as divine approval of divorce. God simply cannot bless such covenant-breaking.

This certificate of divorce is allowed for the protection of the one being wronged, especially for the protection of vulnerable women. In those days, if a husband left a wife, her life could be over (quite literally). After all, the penalty for adultery was death by stoning (see Deut. 22). The certificate of divorce certified her innocence.

3. God’s Ideal for Marriage (vv. 6-8):

Jesus goes on to articulate clearly what God’s perfect (not permissive) will is for marriage. He derives three key aspects about God’s Ideal for Marriage from the Creation Ordinance in Genesis 2:23-24: male & female, leave & cleave, and no divorce.

1. Male & Female (v. 6): “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’

The first principle of marriage from the creation ordinance is that marriage is between a man and a woman.

What has been obvious throughout human history now seems radical in today’s perverse non-binary age. God created us male and female. We are what God made us, regardless of what we identify as. Here is a radical statement in today’s culture: if a man identifies as a woman, he is still man. Just like if I identify myself as a frog or a piece of cheese or a telephone pole, I am still a human being.

The fight against gay marriage being legalized is a political fight lost in this country. Our corrupt culture even celebrates gay marriage. But we as Christians do not define our ideology and our morality according to what our politicians or our surrounding culture says. The US Supreme Court cannot change God’s view. We know what is right and wrong by the infallible Word of God; and, unlike the US Constitution, there are no amendments to change what the Bible says.

God’s word is very clear on these points: marriage is for male and female and homosexuality is a sin. Homosexuality certainly should not be seen as the unpardonable sin of sins. But like all sin, it is a sin which must be repented of.

1 Cor. 6:9-11: “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders 10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”

God’s created order is for man and woman to be united in marriage. This is both biblically and biologically obvious. But a sinful, depraved society rebels against God’s created order:

Rom. 1:26-27: “Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. 27 In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.”

Not only does God define marriage as being between male and female, but God also gives different roles to the different genders in marriage. This is especially made clear in Ephesians 5. The husband is to be the head of his wife. This means that he is the God-ordained authority in the home. God calls the wife to submit to her husband in everything (short of sin). And God calls the husband to love his wife sacrificially, and he is to protect her and provide for her.

And monogamy is implied in this definition of marriage in the creation ordinance. God brings together one man and one woman—not one man and two women. Polygamists kings like Solomon departed from the original view of marriage as instituted by God.

In general, we must be careful not to conclude what should be by what is. Marriage in the world today is very different than the way God orders it. When Christ speaks about marriage, he does not point to what any rabbi said or what the Roman government allowed; instead, He points back to God’s Word and God’s created order. We must do the same.

2. Leave & cleave (vv. 7b-8): ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh. ‘So they are no longer two, but one.

The next thing Jesus does is establish the important principle of leaving and cleaving in Christian marriage. Married persons leave the families in which they grew up in order to lead their own homes. This is fundamental to the biblical view of marriage.

I will make this clear by using specific names: when Stephen grew up as a son in the Haynam home, he was under the authority of his father David, the head of the home. When Stephen married Bethany, he now establishes his own home over which he (Stephen, not David) is the head. Stephen is no longer a member of David Haynam’s household. Stephen will always be a son to his father (and must always appreciate and honor his father), but he is no longer under his father’s authority as the head of his household.

Put it this way: It would be entirely improper for David Haynam to still exercise authority in Stephen’s home. It would be like if you get a new job, and your old boss still calls you up and tries to tell you what to do. He still gives you assignments to do at your old work-site. But you no longer work there. You are no longer under your old boss.

You will often hear parents of a marrying couple wistfully saying “we are gaining a daughter (or a son).” While this is a sweet sentiment and can be true in a sense, it is not technically true.

It is more true to say that David Haynam is “losing a son.” I know that doesn’t sound as gracious and nice from a father at a men’s dinner, but it is true. Bethany is not joining David Haynam’s family—she is joining Stephen Haynam’s. The patriarch in the family she is joining is not David Haynam—the patriarch is Stephen Haynam. If David Haynam is in charge of Stephen’s home, then Stephen isn’t. And God cannot bless a home that is not ordered according to His Word.

We have to be especially careful when parents are local and members of the same covenant community. Having such proximity is undoubtedly a blessing in countless ways, but it also means that we have to be all the more sure that we are properly leaving and cleaving, as the Bible dictates.

Leaving is, however, only half the equation. The other aspect of leaving and cleaving is that the married persons are to leave their parents and be united to their spouse. The two will become one flesh.

Many wedding vows today stress the importance of maintaining each other’s individuality, but this is not the Christian view. They say things like “I promise to respect and cherish you as an individual” or “I promise to have the courage to let you be yourself.” In one wedding I attended the couple vowed to be married “for as long as we are both mutually fulfilled.”

God joins husband and wife to be together as one. So we need to see ourselves the way God sees us—united as one.

This union in marriage is expressed physically in sexual life, but there is also a deeper union that a husband and wife have in the eyes of God. They are to be united in body, mind, and spirit. The couple has a common direction, purpose, and plan. They are to be “like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose” (Phil. 2:2). William Hendriksen put it this way, “According to Christ’s teaching, then, husband and wife form a team. They work, plan, pray, play, and pull together.”

This unity of husband and wife is reflective of the nature of the Holy Trinity. In the triune God, there are three Persons in one Godhead. In Christian marriage, there are two persons in one flesh. And Satan is the enemy of such oneness. He always seeks to divide and destroy.

Practically speaking, a married couple must view themselves as one. Married persons should beware of developing a bunch of their own individual interests and looking for more “Me” time. Marriage is not about “me;” it is about “we.”

And others should also view married couples as a unit. They cannot invite someone over and not invite the spouse. They are now a package deal. If you don’t want my wife to come over, you don’t want me to come over.

3. No Divorce—v. 9: “Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

The third aspect of God’s ideal for marriage here is its permanence. Marriage is not meant for divorce. God regards marriage fundamentally as indissoluble, and the break-up of that marriage to be an abomination.

Marriage is a solemn covenant we make before God. Marriage without a vow is not marriage. To divorce is to break the vow you made before God. God takes our vows seriously (even if we don’t).

Mal. 2:14-16: You ask, “Why?” It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.

15 Has not [the Lord] made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.

16 “I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel, “and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,” says the Lord Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.

God takes our marriage covenant seriously, and so should we. God calls us to fulfill all vows that we make.

Deut. 23:21: “If you make a vow to the Lord your God, do not be slow to pay it, for the Lord your God will certainly demand it of you and you will be guilty of sin.”

Ecc. 5:4-6: “When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. 5 It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it. 6 Do not let your mouth lead you into sin. And do not protest to the [temple] messenger, “My vow was a mistake.” Why should God be angry at what you say and destroy the work of your hands?”

Marriage can be difficult. There are certainly rocky patches along the road. But God honors those who keep their oaths “even when it hurts” (Ps. 15:4).

We must remember that marriage is from the Lord. It is His work, not ours. It is God who instituted marriage, and we must honor His institution. It is God who joins husband and wife together.

Jesus says, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery” (vv. 11-12). In other words, it is adultery because they are still married in God’s eyes. He does not validate divorce.

Now there are exceptions to this. Generally there are two reasons for a valid divorce (at least on the side of the innocent party): sexual immorality and the desertion of a believer by an unbelieving spouse.

Marital infidelity dissolves the bond of marriage. The exception for adultery is made clear in the parallel account in Matthew:

Matt. 19:9: “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness (porneia), and marries another woman commits adultery.” Jesus says this also in Matthew 5:32.

When a spouse breaks the marriage covenant through adultery, there is an innocent party involved. The faithful spouse is not guilty if he/she decides to divorce the unfaithful spouse—though divorce is not required in this scenario.

The other exception is in the case of abandonment—when one spouse wrongfully leaves another. The spouse who leaves is guilty, but the one who did not break the marital covenant is not guilty.

God simply has different standards than our divorce-happy culture. Divorce is never valid in God’s eyes. God has always and always will hate divorce. God does not recognize our right to divorce. He gives us no room to excuse away the sin of divorce.

Our modern concept of “no-fault divorce” is a lie. In God’s eyes there is no such thing as “a no-fault divorce.” There may only be one party at fault in a divorce, or perhaps both are at fault, but it cannot be that neither are at fault.

Often when there is marital infidelity or abandonment there is an offending person and an offended person in this case.

I will close with specific application to various groups:

1. Counsel to the Offended Party

The counsel to the guiltless offended party in a divorce is given by Paul in 1 Corinthians:

1 Cor. 7:12-15: “To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him…. 15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.”

Implied here is that the offended person is without fault and, therefore, is free to marry again “in the Lord.” They are not the ones who have broken covenant; rather, the other person has sinned grievously against God and against them by breaking the covenant, whether through adultery or abandonment.

2. Counsel to the Offending Party

What is the word for the offending party in a divorce? What if you wrongly divorced in the past and are even now remarried? Is there no hope for you?

Martyn Lloyd-Jones said it best: “All I would say about them is this, and I say it carefully and advisedly, and almost in fear lest I give even a semblance of a suggestion that I am saying anything that may encourage anyone to sin. But on the basis of the gospel and in the interest of truth I am compelled to say this: Even adultery is not the unforgivable sin. It is a terrible sin, but God forbid that there should be anyone who feels that he or she has sinned himself or herself outside the love of God or outside the kingdom because of adultery. No; if you truly repent and realize the enormity of your sin and cast yourself upon the boundless love and mercy and grace of God, you can be forgiven and I assure you of pardon. I repeat the words of our blessed Lord, ‘Go and sin no more.’”

Being the offending party in a divorce is serious sin, and serious sin requires serious repentance, and serious repentance is proven by a life lived wholeheartedly and faithfully for the Lord.

3. Counsel to All

The big word here is for all of us (married and unmarried) to view marriage, the way God views it. God has a high view of marriage; therefore, we must have a high view of marriage. God views the husband and wife as one, and so should we.

For in marriage a man and a woman have left their fathers and mothers and have been united as one. God has built them into a new family unit and the two have become one flesh. To God they are no longer two, but one. No one can rightly dissolve this union—not husband, not wife, not parents, not children, not friends, not the woman from work, not the man from the gym—not the devil nor an angel—let no one separate what God has brought together.

But God doesn’t just warn us against such separation and leave us be. He gives us the grace and power that we need to strengthen our bonds of marriage. He pours out on us His Holy Spirit so that we have power to remain true to our marital vows in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, in plenty and in want, as long as we both shall live.