Submission of Husbands to Christ

First Peter 3:7 speaks about submission of a Christian husband to his head, our Lord Jesus Christ. Paul writes, “Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God” (1 Cor. 11:3). Submission to God and his delegated authorities is a function of our confession, “Jesus is Lord” (Rom. 10:9; 1 Cor. 12:3). In other words, we must live in obedience to Jesus Christ all of life, both in this life and in the life to come.

This is the fifth sermon in the series on submission based on Peter’s first epistle. In this verse, every verb is in the present tense. That means that a Christian husband must obey daily Christ his head, especially in his relationship with his wife.

Dwell Together

Peter begins, “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives.” The Christian husband is to dwell with his Christian wife in love, unity, and peace daily. When God created man, he said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Gen. 1:18). So a Christian wife is a gift from God to a Christian man to deal with his loneliness and to bring him the happiness of fellowship.

Christian marriage brings completeness to an incomplete man. Happiness is fellowship with God and with a God-given wife. They are to function as one flesh. In Genesis 2:24 we read, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Jesus said the same thing (Matt. 19:5), as did Paul (Eph. 5:31).

The two will become one flesh. One plus one equals one; this is called divine mathematics. There is a God-produced unity: unity of mind, unity of will, unity of feeling. Husband and wife are one flesh. Yet there are people who will not believe in this truth.

However, God hates divorce and disunity in Christian marriage. After quoting Genesis 2:24, Jesus said, “So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one put asunder,” (Matt. 19:6). “No one” includes the wife or the husband. A Christian husband and wife are to dwell together in unity daily until death separates them.

The devil is against a Christian husband dwelling with his Christian wife in love. We must resist the devil by not giving him a foothold. We must repent and forgive each other daily so that peace may prevail in unity. We must resist the devil as Jesus did by obeying his Father’s will. “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” (Jas. 4:6; 1 Pet. 5:5). Paul writes, “If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Rom. 8:32).

Consider the Lord’s warning in Malachi 2:

Another thing you do: You flood the Lord’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands.  You ask, “Why?” It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not [the Lord] made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. (Malachi 2:13–15)

In the Greek, Peter says that the husband and wife must “dwell together [kata gnosin] according to knowledge.” The Christian husband must dwell with his wife according to knowledge of the word of God relating to marriage and family. The head of every husband is Christ himself, who received all authority in heaven and on earth. He must obey Christ who speaks in the word. He must give him an account of all he does as the head of the wife. He is answerable to Christ, who is the Sovereign.

The husband is given authority by Christ not to destroy but to build up his wife that she may grow up in spiritual beauty, in holiness, like Christ himself. Paul writes, “For even if I boast somewhat freely about the authority the Lord gave us for building you up rather than pulling you down, I will not be ashamed of it” (2 Cor. 10:8). Authority is given to us by Christ to build up those under us, especially that they may come to know Jesus Christ as Lord. All delegated authorities are to build up and bless those under them. And all delegated authorities are answerable to Jesus Christ, the only Savior and the Judge.

A Christian husband must know all that the Bible says about marriage and family. He must be the spiritual leader. He must know his wife’s strengths and weaknesses. He must know how her body works. He must meet her physical, spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and social needs. He must help her to grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ. He must be able to say, “Follow me, as I follow Jesus Christ.” He must continually be filled with the Spirit and Scripture. Like Jesus, he must sympathize with his wife’s weaknesses. He must learn to forgive and praise his wife. He must not be bitter toward his wife. Paul says, “Husbands, love your wives and do not be [bitter] harsh with them” (Col. 3:19). He must study and practice Ephesians 5:18–6:4. He must dwell with his wife according to the knowledge of the word of God.

Your Wife Is the Weaker Partner

Peter continues, “and treat them with respect as the weaker partner.” Marriage is a partnership established by God as he brought about the marriage of Isaac and Rebekah. In this partnership, the husband is the weak partner and the wife is the weaker one.

Humans are weak and weaker in this fallen world because we are made of dust. Consider these scriptures: “The Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being. . . . ‘By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return’” (Gen. 2:7, 3:19). Paul writes, “But we have this treasure [of the Holy Spirit] in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us” (2 Cor. 4:7). And Peter says, quoting Isaiah, “For, ‘All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall’” (1 Pet. 1:24).

The Christian wife is weaker than her husband, not intellectually, morally, spiritually, or in terms of the work of conscience, but physically and generally economically. So physical, emotional, and sexual abuse may take place if the husband does not dwell with his wife according to his knowledge of God and God’s rule regarding marriage. We have no freedom but to obey the Lord Jesus Christ, our head.

For a Christian, the Bible must regulate his entire life, including marriage and family. The word teaches, rebukes, corrects, and trains us to live a righteous life. The husband is physically stronger so he can do hard work, even manual labor, if needs be, to support his family. Paul writes, “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family [meaning wife and children], he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Tim. 5:8). Paul also says, “He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need” (Eph. 4:28).

God said to Adam, “Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat of it,’ cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return” (Gen. 3:17–19).

Peter, the author of this letter, did hard work as a fisherman at night to provide for his family. We read in John 21:3, “‘I’m going out to fish,’ Simon Peter told them, and they said, ‘We’ll go with you.’ So they went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing.” And Jesus himself worked as a carpenter to support his mother and siblings.

Both husband and wife are in Christ able “to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness” (Eph. 4:24). Man may be stronger, but he cannot get pregnant and give birth to children and nurse them.

Paul exhorts, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and died for her” (Eph. 525). In my view, we husbands fall short of Christ’s standard and must repent daily for our sin of omission.

See the enormous work Christian wives do for the glory of God. Paul makes reference to this when he speaks about widows: “No widow may be put on the list of widows unless she is over sixty, has been faithful to her husband, and is well known for her good deeds, such as bringing up [godly] children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the saints, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds. . . .  So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have [godly] children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander” (1 Tim. 5:9–10, 14). He also says, “Then [the older women] can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God” (Titus 2:4–5).

Husbands, love your wives. What does love mean? Again, Paul writes, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Cor. 13:4–7).

Wives Are Also Equal to Husbands          

Peter goes on: “treat them with respect . . . as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life.” Christian wives are heirs together with their husbands of the grace of life. Wives are equal to their husbands in experiencing eternal life on the basis of grace. (PGM) Paul says, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast” (Eph. 2:8–9). This is true for men and women.

In Adam, all sinned, and in Christ, elect men and women are saved by grace alone. Christian husbands and wives are, therefore, in grace foreloved in eternity, chosen in eternity, and predestinated in eternity. And in time, they are effectually called and regenerated. In time, they repent and believe. In time, they are justified, adopted, and being sanctified. And in eternity future, they will be glorified. God saves men and women.

The Philippian jailer asked, “What must I do to be saved?” The answer is found in Acts 16:

[Paul and Silas] replied, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household.” Then they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all the others in his house. At that hour of the night the jailer took them and washed their wounds; then immediately he and all his family were baptized. The jailer brought them into his house and set a meal before them; he was filled with joy because he had come to believe in God—he and his whole family. (Acts 16:31–34)

Christian husbands and wives are joint heirs of the grace of life. Paul writes, “Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory” (Rom. 8:17).

We are told in 1 Peter 2:5, “You also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood.” “Living stones” includes all believers, whether men, women, or children. Do you know wives and husbands are priests in the church? Every believer is a priest.

Christian husbands and wives are equal in Christ. Paul writes, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Gal. 3:28). In this regard, we are equal in things that matter.

So Christian husbands must make sure to honor their Christian wives. They should praise them and thank them, and not take their good works for granted. Husbands should also teach their children to honor, praise, pray for, and thank their mothers.

Husband, keep this in mind: You and your wife are one flesh. Paul says, “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church” (Eph. 5:28–29).

Proverbs 31:10–31 speaks of the highly productive godly wife. Especially note the following: “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. . . . Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate” (Prov. 31:28, 30–31).

Husbands are to honor their wives. Paul writes, “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves” (Rom. 12:10). He also says, “Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor” (Rom. 13:7). Peter writes, “Show proper respect to everyone” (1 Pet. 2:17; see also 1 Pet. 3:7). God is commanding us to do this. And, again, Paul says, “On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor” (1 Cor. 12:22–23a).

Prayers Not Hindered

Peter concludes, “so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” If we do not obey what God is telling us to do, then our prayers will not be heard by God. Our prayers will be hindered. If a Christian husband fails to dwell with his wife in love and unity of mind, will, and affections, practicing the truth of “one flesh” and paying honor to the wife as the weaker vessel, he must know for certain that his prayers will not be heard.

Husband, make sure that you know in the eyes of God that your wife enjoys eternal life. She is a co-heir with you. And if you fail to understand and honor your wife, then your prayers will not be heard by the omniscient God.

James says, “The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective” (Jas. 5:16). He is speaking about the prayers of a holy man, an obedient man. How many prayers have we prayed that were not heard by God because of our sin? The blind man said, “We know that God does not listen to sinners. He listens to the godly man who does his will” (John 9:31). The psalmist says, “If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened” (Ps. 66:18). We also read, “He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy” (Prov. 28:13). Jesus said, “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift” (Matt. 5:23–24), and God will hear your prayer.

Paul writes, “‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” Jay Adams used to say that no one should go to sleep on the baggage of sin and guilt. We must take care of our relational problems before the sun goes down. We must stop fighting, be reconciled, and have peace. So Paul says, “‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” Then he says, “And do not give the devil a foothold” (Eph. 4:26–27). If we hold on to sin, we give the devil a foothold in our hearts. Jesus said, “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins” (Mark 11:24–25).  Peter writes, “For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil” (1 Pet. 3:12).

The psalmist said, “Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice” (Ps. 55:17). Daniel prayed three times daily and God heard his prayers. So we read, “Now when Daniel learned that the decree had been published, he went home to his upstairs room where the windows opened toward Jerusalem. Three times a day he got down on his knees and prayed, giving thanks to his God, just as he had done before” (Dan. 6:10).

Think of how many prayers of ours were not heard because we came with dirty hearts. We came fighting, being wicked, being sinful, arguing, and not living in peace with one another. God will not hear the prayers of such people, especially those of a sinful husband. If you are such a husband, you must repent and ask forgiveness of your wife and receive forgiveness. Then you can pray and God will hear and bless you and your family.

The Bible says, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Eph. 4:32). How many people remember sins committed twenty-five years ago and reiterate them while fighting? “I know you,” he or she will say. “I know what you did twenty-five years ago.” Such people will eventually get sick and die, because they did not do what God said they should do. We must forgive each other as God has forgiven us in Christ.

Jesus said, “If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matt. 6:14–15). Unforgiving people will die in their sins.

Application

In light of Peter’s exhortation to husbands in 1 Peter 3:7, consider the following:

1. Husbands, do you know in the marriage relationship, you are the head of the wife and your head is Christ himself, to whom you must give an account of your married life?
2. You are to work hard and provide for your wife and children.
3. You are the spiritual leader in the family to teach the word, to lead in prayer, and to see to it that everyone in the family honors God by living according to his word.
4. You are to dwell with your wife in unity and peace, not in harshness, fights, and quarrels.
5. You are to pay honor to your wife by praising her and thanking her. She is God’s gift to you, given to complement you in serving God joyfully together.
6. Though your wife is weaker than you physically, she is equal to you in experiencing God’s gracious gift of eternal salvation.
7. When you sin against your wife, be quick to repent and be reconciled to your wife so that God may hear your prayers and you may live with your wife in unity and joy in the Holy Spirit.

May God help us to obey this word, that we and our families may be blessed in this life and the life hereafter.