The Kingdom Order in the Home, Part Two

Ephesians 5:18–6:4 speaks about God’s kingdom order in the home. Americans are autonomous beings. Even little children declare their autonomy, and parents beg as they speak to them. They do not command or demand; they beg.

The kingdom of God in the home means the rule of God in the home. Husbands who are passive will fail in enforcing God’s order in their home. Sadly, it will be too late when they realize it.

When we confess Jesus Christ as Lord, he demands that we surrender all to him. So we say, “I am in the kingdom of God. I embrace the rule of God in every aspect of my life. I am under the rule of Jesus Christ.” The moment we repent and believe in Christ, we are transferred from the kingdom of the devil to the kingdom of God’s Son. Paul speaks about this: “For God has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins” (Col. 1:13). The moment we trust in Christ, we are transferred once for all from the rule of the devil to the rule of Jesus Christ our Lord.

We want to consider certain propositions based on Ephesians 5:18–6:4. Then we will make a commitment to live accordingly every day of this new year. Do not make this commitment without thinking it through and wanting to fulfill it. It will be a curse to commit yourself to God’s order and fail to do it. Of course, it is understood that we may stumble. But then we live by repentance and faith all of life. We all sin. But when we repent, God will forgive us, and we must keep on living for the glory of God.

The kingdom of God is righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit. It is not fighting and enmity. Whenever there is fighting, disunity, and enmity in the home, it is because the Holy Spirit is not governing. Rather, it is the devil. Such behavior is due to self-centeredness.

In redemption, God restores the kingdom order wherein God is over the husband, the husband is over the wife, and the parents are over the children. Every true believer must daily live a Spirit-filled and word-directed life. Jesus said, “Without me, you can do nothing.” That means with him, we can do all that he wants us to do. Paul declares that: “I can do all things through him who gives me strength” (Phil. 4:13).

There are several commands, in this text. In the Greek, they are present imperatives. For example, Paul says, “Do not get drunk on wine . . . instead, be [being] filled with the Spirit.” “Be being filled” with the Spirit is a present passive imperative, meaning to be ruled by the Spirit continually. We are to be continually filled with the Holy Spirit, to be daily energized, enlightened, and guided by the Holy Spirit. Let us say goodbye to the idea that we cannot do what God tells us to do. God abounds grace to us so that we may abound in every good work. God opposes the proud and gives grace to the humble, that we may live for God’s glory. “Work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you both to will and to do according to his good pleasure” (Phil. 2:12–13).

We will face temptations in life, and we must resist the devil in the Spirit’s power and the power of the word. Paul says, “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it” (1 Cor. 10:13). God will enable us to stand in victory.

This is what Jesus did. He was baptized in the Holy Spirit and was full of the Spirit. He did everything by the Spirit, including dying on the cross. Jesus did not do anything without the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit begat him and the Holy Spirit raised him from the dead. So also, our Christian life from beginning to end is by the Holy Spirit.

Jesus did everything by the power of the Holy Spirit and the Scripture. By the power of the Holy Spirit, he said, “It is written” as he resisted the temptation of the devil (Matt. 4:1–11). This is not subjectivism claiming to be Spirit power. If we are filled with the Holy Spirit, we will obey the Scriptures. Paul says, “Let the word of Christ dwell [rule] in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God” (Col. 3:16; see also Eph. 5:18; 6:1–4).

Being filled with the Holy Spirit means we will be energized by the Holy Spirit every day to deal with every issue of life (see Luke 3:21–22; 4:1–2, 14, 18). Even when we are arrested for the sake of the gospel, the Holy Spirit will speak through us. Jesus said, “But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, for it will not be you speaking but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you” (Matt. 10:19–20). Read the book of Judges (Judg. 6:34; 14:6, 19). The Holy Spirit came upon the judges and made them able to do what God asked them to do.

So we will face many temptations in life, but we must resist the devil in the power of the Spirit and the word. What should we do to have the Holy Spirit? Ask (Luke 11:13).

The Holy Spirit leads us in the way of the word because the Holy Spirit is the author of the Scripture. We must never separate the Holy Spirit from Scripture. When a person rejects the Scripture, he is rejecting the Holy Spirit who wrote the Scripture. God demands that we obey the Scripture. We are not exempt from obeying the Scripture. That is the nature of antinomianism. Today’s evangelicalism is full of antinomians. Such people emphasize grace so they can sin. They hate a church that practices holy living.

The Holy Spirit leads us in the way of the word. This is why we must read the word of God daily. We follow a daily reading schedule by which we read through the New Testament twice a year and the Old Testament once. Additionally, we preach the gospel regularly in the church several times a week. Again, the reason is that the Holy Spirit leads us in the way of the word. So if we read, “Children, obey your parents,” we must recognize that God himself is telling us to obey that commandment. It is not merely a human opinion.

There is one baptism in the Holy Spirit and many fillings with the Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit baptism is not repeatable; it is once for all (see Acts 2:4; 8:17; 9:17; 10:44; 19:6). Yet there are many fillings. Read my commentary on the book of Acts.[1] For example, we read, “Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them, ‘Rulers and elders of the people!’” (Acts 4:8). We also read, “After they prayed, the place where they were meeting was shaken. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly” (Acts 4:31).

We face difficulties every day. They come to us straight from the devil. The Spirit of God makes us competent to deal with every issue. God fills us continually with the Holy Spirit so that we may oppose the devil and obey King Jesus, even to death. In Matthew 16:24, Jesus said, “Deny yourself and take up the cross and follow me,” meaning, “Follow me to death.”

God’s people are continually filled with Holy Spirit as they obey and pray. Jesus said, “If you who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him” (Luke 11:13). May God help us to hunger and thirst after the Holy Spirit. Ask for the Holy Spirit in prayer, and you will see your life changed.

What we need is the Holy Spirit, not a lot of money or other worldly things. No amount of money, no education, no power, no beauty, no influence will lead us to Christ. Obedience to God is the required condition. Peter declared, “We are witnesses of these things, and so is he Holy Spirit, whom God has given to those who obey him” (Acts 5:32). God will not hear the prayers of the wicked, the disobedient, the arrogant, the independent, the self-sufficient. Thus, God in his great mercy will ordain suffering so that his people will call upon him and say, “O Lord, have mercy upon me, a sinner.”

Being filled with the Holy Spirit is the key condition to enable us to do the following:

1. To worship God aright. Paul writes, “Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Eph. 5:18–21)
2. To edify God’s people (1 Cor. 14; Col. 3:15–17). The Hebrews writer says, “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching” ( 10:24–25). Whenever we come together, we have a responsibility to build others up, not to come and immediately go without speaking to anyone. We are a family. We want to know how you are doing. What is your problem? How can we pray for you? How can we help you? We are brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers, poor and rich.
3. To live a successful married life (Eph. 5:22–33, Col. 3:18–19, 1 Cor. 7:1–5, 1 Pet. 3:1–7).
4. To have a successful family life. Paul writes, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. . . . ‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth’” (Eph. 6:1–3). Enjoying long life means that you may experience salvation of the Lord. Those are cursed who disrespect and disobey their parents.
5. To have a successful work life so we can provide for our families, including our parents, grandparents, and those in need (Eph. 6:5–9; 1 Tim. 5:8). We must be filled with the Spirit.
6. To enjoy a successful personal life in this wicked world.

Being filled with the Holy Spirit means to be controlled by the Spirit and controlled by the word. John Calvin said, “What God demands by his word, he likewise bestows by his Spirit.” Never think that a person can live the Christian life without the Spirit. God will not accept laziness. He takes away all our excuses.

Friends, God himself will give us power. Paul writes, “I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms” (Eph. 1:18-20).

We need power—the power of the Holy Spirit. Paul also says, “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen” (Eph. 3:20-21). May God open our eyes to understand the source of this power. Paul also says, “To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy which so powerfully works in me” (Col. 1:29). We need Holy Spirit to live; we need the Holy Spirit to die.

The greatest manifestation of God’s power took place, not at creation nor during the exodus, but when God raised his Son from the dead. That same power is available to us. How do we get that power? As we said before, we must ask for it in prayer. That means we must acknowledge our own weakness, our own powerlessness. We cannot talk about Jesus to anyone without being filled with the Holy Spirit. Jesus himself said, “You will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses” (Acts 1:8).

All delegated authorities including parents, pastors, teachers, and others, must govern by the word of God in the power of God for the good of those under them. We have no right to govern outside of the word of God. Parents, you must obey God and submit to him before you can exercise dominion and oversight on your children. Be a godly example to them, knowing that they are always watching you.

Covenant obedience results in blessing; disobedience results in curse (Deut. 28). This principle is always true. Paul writes, “That is why many among you are weak and sick, and a number of you have fallen asleep” (1 Cor. 11:30). It is the same today; there is no change. There is blessing for obedience and curse for disobedience.

Those in authority and those under authority are equal in God’s sight. It is true that in God’s order wives must submit to their own husbands and children should obey their parents for their success in life. But all are equal in God’s sight. The illustration is the economic Trinity in accomplishing salvation for sinners. Though co-equal, the Son submits to the Father, and the Holy Spirit submits to the Father and the Son. (PGM) So also our children are equal to us because they are created in likeness and image of God and are redeemed. But certain people are given authority to rule them for their eternal blessings. That is why we do not beg; rather, we command and demand in the name of Jesus Christ that our children obey God.

All must submit to one another. I submit to my wife, my children, and my grandchildren, as occasion demands. If my wife asks me to do something, I will do it right away because that is also an aspect of the command to submit to one another. In the same way, my children and grandchildren may come and ask me to pray for them, and I will pray for them. Whatever they say, as long as it is the right thing, I will do it. I am not above them.

A wife must submit because God said the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. As it was before the Fall, so it is also in redemption, and the devil still opposes God’s order. So Paul writes, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything” (Eph. 5:22–24). He also declares, “Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God” (1 Cor. 11:3).

So a wife must submit because God said the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. The head has a responsibility to provide for and direct the body. If a man does not provide for his family, he is worse than an unbeliever, worse than an animal. So I provide for my family, and for others also. I provided for my parents when they needed it. It was my responsibility. The head not only directs, but he also provides. He is also responsible for the spiritual growth of people under him.

The husband must love his wife not according to his standard but God’s. The standard is given in Ephesians 5:25. He must love her as Christ loved his bride, the church, and died for her salvation, that is, for her justification, sanctification, and glorification. This is the most difficult command in this passage. In fact, Paul directs nine verses to husbands, while he only directs three verses to wives and three to children. So we see the great responsibility of a husband and a father.

Would you like to be a husband? When you study the Bible, you will understand that without the Holy Spirit, you cannot do it. The husband must also be the spiritual leader in his family. He is prophet, priest, and king under Christ (Deut. 6:1–9; 11:18–21).

The husband, being under Christ, must answer to Christ for his wife and children. Husbands must give Christ an account for families just as pastors are to give to God an account of those under their care. That is why those pastors who will not preach the gospel will be dealt with severely by Christ, the head of the church, on the day of judgment.

If we do not live according to Ephesians 5:18–6:4, we are disobeying Christ our King. If a husband does not love his wife, he is disobeying Christ the King. If a wife does not submit to her husband, she is disobeying Christ the King. If children do not obey their parents, they are disobeying Christ the King. If a father provokes his children, he is disobeying Christ the King. But beware: King Jesus will discipline those who confess him as Lord when they disobey him. When we say, “Jesus is Lord,” we are saying, “I will obey Christ all my life.”

All in the family must do all things in view of their confession, “Jesus is Lord.” So the wife must submit to the husband as to the Lord, even as the church submits to Christ (Eph. 5:22–24). The husband must love his wife as Christ loved the church (Eph. 5:25). Children must obey their parents as to the Lord (Eph. 6:1). All must submit to one another in the fear of Christ (Eph. 5:21). Servants must obey their masters as to Jesus (Eph. 6:5). Masters must treat their servants right in view of their Master and ours, the Lord Jesus Christ, in heaven, who is the Judge of all (Eph. 6:9). We must not pretend that this Lord Jesus Christ is asleep and does not see what we do. He sees everything, and we all must answer to him on the last day and in this life.

All the commands in this text are present imperatives.

1. Mê methuskesthe (Eph. 5:18) is a present middle imperative, meaning “Do not be drunk. Never!”
2. Plêrousthe (Eph. 5:18) is a present passive imperative, meaning “Being filled continually with the Spirit, daily.”
3. Hupotassesthe (Eph. 5:21; see also Col. 3:18) is a present middle imperative. It means to submit continually, not once in a while or when we feel like it. Who said so? Jesus Christ himself.
4. Agapate (Eph. 5:25) is a present active imperative, meaning “Love continually.”
5. Agapatô (Eph. 5:33) is a present active imperative, meaning “Love continually.”
6. Hupakouete (Eph. 6:1) is a present active imperative, meaning “Continually obey.” Children are to continually obey their parents, not once in a while or when they feel like it. The fear of God must regulate every aspect of our lives.
7. Tima (Eph. 6:2) is a present active imperative meaning “Continually honor.”
8. Mê parorgizete (Eph. 6:4) is a present active imperative, meaning “Do not provoke.” Again, it is to be carried out continually, daily, moment by moment.
9. Ektrephete (Eph. 6:4) is a present active imperative, meaning “Nourish.” Parents are to feed their children, not only with physical food, but also with the bread of the word of God. It is true that children have physical bodies, and, therefore, we must take care of them with food, clothing, housing, medical care, and so on. But beyond that, the Bible says, “Man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God” (Deut. 8:3). It also says, “All Scripture is God-breathed,” coming out of the mouth of God, “and is profitable for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness, that the man of God may be thoroughly furnished for every good work” (2 Tim. 3:16–17). So we are to regularly give our children the word of God. Thus, at least two times a day, we are teaching the word and enforcing it by discipline. Discipline has two meanings: one is to teach and the other is to enforce what we teach. The book of Proverbs speaks about the ministry of the rod to enforce the word of God so that your children will obey. I was trained to obey. We never dared to disobey my father. It never happened in our family. We feared, revered, and respected our parents. And they never begged us to obey them. They commanded us. That is why we are told, “Work out your salvation with fear and trembling.”

Finally, when we sin, we must practice Proverbs 28:13, which tells us that we must not conceal our sin, but confess and forsake, and we will receive mercy. Repent quickly. Paul writes, “‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold” (Eph. 4:26–27). This means Christians are able to give the devil a place in the home. He comes in and he destroys unity. There is no righteousness, peace, or joy in the Holy Spirit. There is only fighting, war, misery, and depression because someone gave place to the devil and refused to repent.

In Nehemiah 9:38 we read, “In view of all this, we are making a binding agreement, putting it in writing, and our leaders, our Levites and our priests are affixing their seals to it.” Covenant renewal appears often in the Bible. Therefore, it is the right thing to do. And if you are filled with the Spirit, you will be able to do it. God opposes the proud but he gives grace to the humble. We are sinners saved by grace and we need the Holy Spirit.

Let us therefore make this binding New Year’s resolution to Jesus Christ our King:

By the grace of God, we take this oath in the presence of the triune God—the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit—on this Lord’s Day, January 1, 2017, that we, members of Grace Valley Christian Center, would daily be filled with the Holy Spirit and governed by the word of God, so that we may worship our God, edify God’s saints, nourish and cherish our marriages, and train our children in accordance with Ephesians 5:18–6:4.

May God help us to walk in accordance with this oath, that we may be blessed in this new year and forevermore. Amen.

[1] Power of the Holy Spirit: An Exposition of Acts (Davis, CA: Grace and Glory, 2013).