The Normal Christian Family Life

Ephesians 5:18-6:4
P. G. Mathew | Sunday, June 17, 2001
Copyright © 2001, P. G. Mathew

Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no-one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery–but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” –which is the first commandment with a promise-“that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Ephesians 5:18-6:4

What is normal Christian family life? It is family life lived in accordance with the Bible. Living one’s life according to biblical standards is foreign to many professing Christians today. For example, recently a very liberal Presbyterian denomination approved the ordination of homosexuals to the Christian ministry. Those who reject the deity of Jesus Christ and the absolute authority of the word of God will do such things. But that is not the normal Christian way. According to the Bible, a bishop-that is, a minister-is not to be a homosexual or an unbeliever, but a believer who is able to teach and the husband of one wife.

Those who are liberated from the Bible interpret normalcy in a sociological fashion. Thus, the idea of what is “normal” is always changing. But true Christians submit themselves to God’s unchanging word. In this study we want to examine what normal Christian family life is according to the standards given in the word of God.

The Bible tells us, “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain” (Psalm 127). Fathers and mothers, is your house built by the Lord? If not, all that you do will end up in futility and shame. That is why we must examine this text, Ephesians 5:18-6:4, which gives us God’s pattern.

The Normal Christian

Paul wrote his instructions in Ephesians not to pagans but to true believers. Therefore, before we discuss what normal Christian family life is, we must first examine who a normal Christian is. In Ephesians 2 we are told that he is a sinner who was under the wrath of God by nature, dead in trespasses and sins. In this state he could only sin, but because of God’s great love and rich mercy, the sinner was made alive in Christ, raised up with Christ, and seated with Christ. Ephesians 2:10 tells us such a person is God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do the good works that God prepared in advance for him to do.

A normal Christian, then, is one who is regenerated and given a new nature. He is one in whom the Holy Spirit dwells, guiding him and strengthening him to obedience. From Ephesians 1:13 we learn that he is one who is sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, meaning he is baptized in the Holy Spirit, a once-for-all experience. In Ephesians 4:24 we are told that he is one who is created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness, and in Ephesians 4:30 we are told that he is one who does not grieve the Holy Spirit by whom he has been sealed unto the day of redemption.

It is to the normal Christian that Paul begins this section in Ephesians 5:18, saying, “Be not drunk with wine but be filled with the Holy Spirit.” The pagans of New Testament times regularly got drunk as they participated in the cult worship of Dionysius, or Bacchus, the god of wine. The general understanding was that as these worshipers were getting drunk, God was entering them. The drunken worshipers would begin to sing bacchanalian ditties, prophesy nonsense, and dance in their drunken stupor. There would be a false sense of joy. This is what Paul was dealing with when he said, “Do not get drunk with wine.”

Times have not changed. I recently heard of a get-together of about thirty thousand people to be held in San Francisco. We were told there would be a good supply of alcohol as well as the pills Ecstasy to contribute to the mirth. I am sure the participants will get drunk and high, and they will sing and dance just as the ancient pagans did. It is their idea of a good time. But in the Bible, such behavior is called dissipation. They are fools who do not understand that they themselves are being wasted and destroyed by this behavior. Those who do such things are deceived into thinking that they are having a good time, but their joy is simulation.

Christians are commanded to be filled with the Holy Spirit, not with wine. We have said this before and we say it again, along with Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones, that alcohol is a depressant. You will find that truth in any medical dictionary. And Lloyd-Jones adds that the real stimulant is the Holy Spirit, who stimulates our minds to love and serve God. The normal Christian life means we are filled with the Spirit.

That is why Paul instructs us to be filled with the Holy Spirit. He uses the word plêrousthe, which is in the imperative mood, meaning it is a command. In other words, it is our responsibility to be filled with the Spirit. Additionally, plêrousthe is in plural form, which means that all Christians, not just an elite group, are to be filled with the Spirit. It is used in passive voice, meaning we are filled by God as we yield completely to him. It is in the present tense, meaning it is not a once-for-all experience, as baptism in the Holy Spirit is. We find this word also in John 2:7, when Jesus said, “Fill these pots with water,” but there it is an aorist tense, meaning to fill only one time. But here it is in present tense, meaning that we are to be continuously filled with the Spirit. This is the normal Christian life.

As a result of the continuous filling of a Christian with the Holy Spirit, a normal Christian enjoys fellowship with other believers. In Ephesians 5:19 Paul writes, “Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs.” In Colossians 3:16 he writes, “Teach and admonish one another with all wisdom.” When we are filled with the Holy Spirit, the Spirit helps us to teach and admonish one another in the word of God. Every Christian has a certain ministry of teaching and admonishing.

Additionally, if we are filled with the Spirit, we will sing with real joy. Paul says we will “sing and make melody” in our hearts to God. This is real worship. God wants his people to rejoice with a real joy, for “in his presence there is fullness of joy.” The normal Christian lives in gratitude to God, the Father of all good gifts through Jesus Christ, giving him thanksgiving and praise for what he has done for us.

A normal Christian who is filled with the Holy Spirit daily is also enabled to live in the kingdom order, meaning in submission to God’s rule. We cannot submit to one another unless we are Christians who are continually being filled with the Holy Spirit. In fact, if you have difficulty living according to divine order, you may not be filled with the Holy Spirit and will be living a sub-normal life. The word “submit,”hupotassô, comes from a root word which means means order. The kingdom of God has order because God is not the author of confusion but of order. The Bible tells us, “Let everything be done decently and in order.” Where the Holy Spirit is, there is always order. So kingdom life is not the drunken and disorderly life of pagan revelers; it is a life lived under the Lordship of Jesus Christ, a life lived within definite God-ordered structure.

Normal Christian Married Life

The second point we want to examine is what normal Christian married life entails. After visiting a church recently, I was interviewing an elder of the church, a professor, who was telling me how he had brought his brother, a powerful politician and businessman, to Christ. As the elder was telling me the story, I realized that his brother, whom he had brought to Christ, had married a Buddhist. The marriage ceremony had been performed by a pastor who claims to believe in the authority of Scripture.

Such a marriage has nothing to do with normal Christian marriage. If you are a true believer, you must marry only a true believer in Jesus Christ. In this study we want to examine the structure of marriage between Christians only. First, we will examine the duties of a Christian wife within a Christian marriage.

The Duty of a Christian Wife

If your marriage is normal according to the biblical definition of normalcy, what is the duty of the wife? In Ephesians 5:22 we read, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” When we study the Greek text, we notice the word “submit” flows from the word “be filled with the Spirit.” If we are filled with the Spirit, then fellowship, worship, gratitude, and submission to divine order will be the result.

This command to submit is based on the assumption that one is a normal Christian who is filled with the Holy Spirit. In other words, a normal Christian woman will be controlled by the Holy Spirit. In the corresponding passage in Colossians 3, we read that to be filled with the Spirit means to be controlled by the word of Christ.

Who is asking the wife to submit? The Lord, the head of the church. Why should she submit? It is God’s order. Woman was created after Adam, out of Adam, and for Adam. She was created as a complement to man so that together they could serve God.

A Christian woman will eagerly submit herself to her husband. This is part of normal Christian married life. If you are not living in this way, you have nothing to do with normal Christianity. If you are not submitting to your husband, you are not normal. A normal Christian wife will submit herself to her husband, not sometimes and selectively, but always and in everything, as we read in Ephesians 5:24. And if you are a young woman not yet married and do not want to observe this God-ordained duty of submission to your future husband, I exhort you to remain unmarried.

The duty of submission is stated in this passage three times: in verse 22 by implication, in verse 24, where the wife is told to submit in everything, and in verse 33, where we read, “The wife must respect her husband,” which, in the Greek text, is “fear her husband.” Thus, three times the Holy Spirit emphasizes the order of the kingdom life. Satan tells us to do our own thing. He thrives in autonomy and chaos. Jesus said the devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy. He is a destroyer, not a builder. But God is a builder and he requires order. In the army, there is a general; on a team, there is a captain. You would not want to play on a football team where everybody is a quarterback. We must have order, and we find it in the kingdom of God.

A wife and a husband are ontologically equal before God; that is, the wife is not inferior and the husband is not superior, in terms of being. In Galatians 3:28 we read, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you all are one in Christ Jesus.” Therefore, there is co-equality within the kingdom of God. But economically, meaning functionally, in terms of the divine government, there is subordination within the family. The husband is the head of the family and the wife is to submit to him. This is God’s will, and we must realize that submission to the husband is not the husband’s idea but God’s. Certainly, there are psychological and physiological differences between men and women that will support this economic difference. But submission of wives to husbands is God’s order, and it is to be rendered freely, voluntarily, enthusiastically, spontaneously. In the Greek we read that we are to submit ourselves, which we do only as the result of a Spirit-filled life.

We find an analogy to this family structure within the Trinity itself. All three persons of the Godhead are co-equal ontologically; no one is inferior to another. But economically, in redemption, there exists subordination. The Son submits to God the Father, and God the Holy Spirit submits to both the Father and the Son.

In 1 Corinthians 11:3 we also find mention of the functional subordination within a Christian family. There we read that the head of the woman is man; the head of the man is Christ, and the head of Christ is God, in terms of functionality. A husband is the head, but he also is accountable to his head, who is Christ himself.

In view of this, let me ask you: Is your house ordered according to God’s word? Is your house a reflection of the kingdom of God or the kingdom of darkness? A wife who despises her husband despises herself because they are one body. She is out of order. But when a wife submits to her husband, she is obeying Christ, and she is blessed for it.

When a wife submits to her husband in everything, she will be modeling proper respect for God and for God’s authority before her children. Let me tell you a secret: Children will learn either to respect or despise the father depending on the behavior of their mother. We must take this observation to heart. In other words, children see the father through the mother. If a wife despises the husband, the children will learn to despise the father, but if the wife respects the husband, the children will learn to respect the husband. So a wife who despises her husband also becomes a bad teacher to her children in terms of kingdom rule. A normal Christian wife will submit and respect her husband. That is her duty and she will render it freely, voluntarily, enthusiastically, and spontaneously. It is the direct result of her being filled with the Holy Spirit.

The Duty of the Husband

What is the duty of a normal Christian husband? He is to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.

A Christian husband and father is not like a Roman husband and father of ancient times, who had absolute authority over the family. A Roman father could even kill his children if he wanted to. But the authority of a Christian husband and father is limited by the One who gives it to him. As a delegated authority of the Lord, he is accountable to Christ, who is his head.

There is only one who is sovereign and has all authority-the Lord Jesus Christ. He said, “I have received all authority in heaven and on earth.” All things were made subject to him. Also, like a Christian wife, a Christian husband must also be filled with the Holy Spirit so that he can render his duty to God.

It is interesting to observe that in this passage, especially the part that deals with the husband, the emphasis is not falling upon the authority of the husband, but upon his responsibility to love and care for his wife. The word used for love is agapaô.

There are four words in the Greek language to describe love. One is eraô, from which we have the word erotic. Many times that is the only type of love evident in unbelieving marriages-all passion and sexuality. But that is not the word Paul uses here. There are other words, such as phileô and storgeiô, which also refer to love, but are not used here. The Holy Spirit picked the word for the type of love which alone strives constantly for the highest good of the one loved. This word is not referring to sexual passion or treating all our friends with the same friendliness. It refers to a love that pays the ultimate price of self-sacrifice, a love that first thinks God’s thoughts and wills God’s will and desires God’s desires above anything else. When agapaô is exercised by a Christian husband, he is committed to making his wife more and more beautiful spiritually, even as Christ gave himself for the church, to cleanse her from all her sins, remove her spots and stains, and make her glorious. It is a love that looks to the cross for instruction on how to love.

Husbands, I want you to note something profound that Dr. Lloyd-Jones tells us about this love. In writing on this passage, he says that this is the only place in the Bible where we are told that the pattern for our love is the doctrine of atonement. Now, you may not want to study Christ’s atonement in order to love your wife, but that is exactly what the Bible says we should do. How many counselors have recommended that you do this? But Paul says that is exactly what Christian husbands should do. They should study Christ’s atoning death carefully in order to learn what it means to love and care for their wives.

Just as the command for wives to submit appeared here three times, so also the demand to love appears three times. This means the Holy Spirit considers this command as of supreme importance. In Ephesians 5:25 we find the word agapate, in the imperative. Husband, loving your wife in a self-sacrificing way is not an optional matter; you are commanded by the Lord of the church to do so. The verb is used in the plural, meaning that every married man must do it, if he calls himself a Christian. It is in the present tense, which means he should love this way continually and daily. Additionally, in verse 28 we are told a husband ought to love his wife. It is a must. In verse 33 we find this word agapaô also in the imperative.

We are commanded, then, to love our wives as Christ loved the church and as we love our own bodies. It is time that we thought in terms of unity rather than twoness. How many people who are married still think in terms of twoness! No, your wife is your own body, which you don’t hate, but nourish and cherish. You are to love your wife as Christ loved the church.

If you are a young man who wants to marry, listen to this counsel: If you do not want to love your wife in this way, you should not marry. You are not qualified to marry and have a normal Christian marriage if you refuse to love your wife the way Christ loved the church and as you love your own body.

Without submission on the part of the wife and love on the part of the husband, a marriage is not a normal Christian marriage. By not following God’s pattern for the home, a Christian family may be broken up, causing confusion to prevail and children to suffer.

A Normal Christian Home

What, then, is the biblical pattern for a normal Christian home? If the husband and wife live normal Christian lives, faithfully performing their respective God-ordained duties, their children will grow up in fear of the Lord. The Bible says one of the qualifications for a minister is that he should manage his own household well. Then it gives another, very high qualification: that the minister’s children should not be wild, but believing and obedient. That is the qualification for a minister, and therefore it should be the qualification of everyone in God’s church. Yes, it is high, but it is God’s order.

In Genesis 18:17-19 we find a description of God’s plan for Abraham’s family: “Then the Lord said, ‘Shall I hide from Abraham what I am about to do? Abraham will surely become a great and powerful nation, and all nations on earth will be blessed through him. For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just.'” God expected Abraham to direct his household “to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just.” This is what should be taking place in a normal Christian home.

In Joshua 24 we find Joshua renewing the covenant with God’s people at Shechem. He tells them, in essence, “You say you are God’s people, redeemed out of Egypt and all that? You are now in this country, and God has blessed you with houses and fields. I know that you say you want to serve the living God, but I understand that you are also interested in idolatry. You are interested in old gods as well as new gods, aren’t you? Well, you can do what you want. Choose you this day whom you want to serve.” But then in verse 15 Joshua declares, “But as for me and for my household, we will serve the Lord.” This is the basis of the normal Christian home.

Normal Christian Children

Let us then look at what we mean by normal Christian children. The first point we must make about normal Christian children is that they obey their parents. That is the biblical model. The word for obey is hupakouô. It is not the word spoken to the wife about submission. It is a different word which means that the children stand under a person in authority to hear and to do what that person says. Hupo means under, akouô means hear, so hupakouô means to hear standing under. If you are a Christian child, you are not autonomous; someone stands over you in authority to direct you and oversee your life.

Second, in Colossians 3:20, which is a parallel passage, we read that children must obey their parents in everything, kata panta. This obedience is not selective obedience but implicit obedience to the father and mother who govern their own lives in accordance with the Holy Scriptures. The only exceptions are, first, if you are children of unbelieving parents who prohibit you to worship and serve the true God. Then you are exempt from rendering implicit obedience to your parents. And second, if you are children of unbelieving parents who force you to worship idols, you are exempt from rendering obedience to them in everything.

Third, in Ephesians we read that such obedience is right and in Colossians we read that such obedience pleases the Lord. This obedience rendered by children to their parents is just by nature, for all over the world people require their children to obey them. PGM But, more importantly, such obedience is right in accordance with the Old Testament, because it is one of the commandments, and it is right in accordance with the New Testament because it pleases the Lord. If a child disobeys, the Lord is not pleased.

Fourth, this obedience is something that Jesus himself practiced. In Luke 2:51 we find a picture of the normal Christian home. There we read, “Then he went down to Nazareth with them, and was obedient to them.” The eternal God who became man submitted himself in complete obedience to his earthly parents.

Fifth, this commandment to obey comes with a promise of wellness. Paul quotes Deuteronomy 5:16, saying, “Honor your father and mother. . . . that it may go well with you and you may enjoy long life on the earth.” What an encouragement for Christian children to render implicit obedience! Prosperity and long life belong to the children who obey parents.

But let us go further: Real wellness is to inherit eternal salvation. The promise is not just that a child will grow up to make money and live a long life if he obeys his parents. No, God is promising to give something else: salvation through Jesus Christ. That alone gives real wellness to our souls.

Normal Christian Parents

What are the duties of normal Christian parents? Here Paul addresses the fathers, because the Bible understands that the father is the ultimate authority in the home. So Paul first gives a negative exhortation: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children,” or “provoke them to anger.”

How are children provoked? By holding them to petty or unjust rules; or through emotional outbursts and unjust punishment, on the one hand, and overindulgence and no discipline, on the other hand. We must understand these little people are God’s people, created in the image and likeness of God, and we are not given the final authority to deal with them as a Roman father would have. Christian parents must respect their children and provide them with proper discipline. That is the negative side of this command.

Positively, Paul writes that fathers should “bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Here we find the word ektrephô, which means “to nourish, to feed tenderly as we would feed those younger and smaller than us, to feed with proper food regularly.” Ex is an intensive form. The intent is that these little ones may flourish in body, soul, and spirit as they grow up in your home.

Let me give a word of instruction about what Christian parents should feed or not feed their children. Please do not feed them with the junk food of superficial evangelicalism. It is a poison. Please do not feed them the junk food of psychology or sociology. It is also a poison. Do not feed them the poison of secularism as manifested in videos and books and magazines and television shows. It is all junk food.

If we are Christians, we must feed our children with the real food that causes them to flourish. Deuteronomy 6 and 11 tells us to surround our children with the word of God. The psalmist prays, “How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word.”

“Bring them up” in paideia, Paul writes. This word is translated different ways. In the New International Version it is “training.” Paideia means that we as parents are to bring up our children by feeding them God’s word and shaping the wills of these little people through discipline. Paideia means that we must shape their wills through discipline so that the children choose the will of God and do it. That is the charge Paul is giving to parents through the word paideia. It is what is done to the child, training him, especially fashioning his will that it will yield to God.

Then we find the word nouthesia, which means exhortation or rebuke. Here nouthesia means to teach the word of God to our children and shape their minds to think God’s thoughts. So paideia means to shape the will of a child that he may will the will of God and nouthesia means to put the word of God into his mind that he may think God’s thoughts after him. If we are successful in doing these things, our children will not be going after the world.

What else should we as Christian parents do? We should model godly behavior before our children. In 1 Corinthians 11:1 Paul says, “Follow my example, as I follow the example of the Lord.” These little eyes are always watching us, observing what we say and do, and then they imitate us. We must be good models for our children.

Our goal as Christian parents is the eternal wellness of our children. A great man once said that the most important Christian duty for a parent is to make the child loyal to Jesus Christ. Parents must do everything in their power to bring children to a saving knowledge of Christ.

In 2 Timothy 1:5 and 2 Timothy 3:15-16 we see this duty and its fruit in the life of Timothy. There is Lois, the grandmother, who put the word of God into Eunice,her daughter, in a Gentile world. Then Lois and Eunice together put the word of God into little Timothy from the time of his infancy. Finally, Timothy himself came to accept the gospel and was saved.

In Luke 2:52 we read, “And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature,” which means he grew in his spirit and in his body. Then Luke writes, “and in favor with God and men.”

That is our goal. In Acts 2:39 we read, “The promise is for you and your children. . . .” Christian parents have a goal for their children: that they know and serve Jesus Christ.

Child Evangelism

In conclusion, we want to speak about child evangelism. First, we want to emphasize that the kingdom of God is not like the kingdom of Satan. The kingdom of Satan is characterized by disorder, confusion, darkness, untruth, lies, and deceit, while the kingdom of God is characterized by order, government, and beauty. Jesus Christ is Lord of God’s kingdom, and the Christian home is the smallest unit in Christ’s kingdom. Therefore, necessarily, there is order in a Christian home just like there is order in a Christian church.

The church is God’s family, and he has given the gifts of apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers to keep order within the church. That is why the Bible instructs us to obey our leaders and submit to them, for they watch over our souls. In God’s church family everything is watched over and cared for.

In the same way, there is order and government in a Christian home. The father is the head, under Christ, and the wife submits to the husband. It is crucial that wives submit, because children perceive authority in the home through the mother. Did you know that the mother has the key to having a godly Christian home? Mothers are naturally more cuddly, comforting, and accepting than fathers, so children tend to go more easily to their mothers than to their fathers. Children learn a lot of things from their mothers. If a mother despises God’s authority in the home and demonstrates that attitude in her speech and action, the children will perceive it and adopt it themselves, despising and disobeying the father. This is not only true according to the Bible, but is also true according to psychology and sociology. Children are always looking at their mother to see how she perceives the husband and father and reacts to him.

In Ephesians 6:4 Paul writes, “Children, obey your parents,” and then gives a conflated quotation, saying, “This is the first commandment with a promise: Honor your father and mother.” Jesus Christ did that himself. He was subject to his father and mother, we are told. Additionally, he taught against the Pharisaic idea that children shouldn’t honor their parents by helping them. The Pharisees taught that it was all right for people to give to God the monies that should have been used to support their parents. By doing so they made God’s word null and void. Jesus taught against such thinking. He honored his parents, and then from the cross, showed his respect again by entrusting his mother to John to be taken care of in behalf of Jesus.

So the commandment says, “Honor your father and mother.” However, in Ephesians 6:4 we find the address that only fathers, pateras, are mentioned. That is not a mistake on Paul’s account. He understood that the father, not the mother, is the ultimate authority in the home. We don’t accept modern feminist ideas. The truth of the Bible is that the father is the head of the family.

God’s Special Charge to Fathers

Paul addresses fathers, saying, “Do not provoke them to anger.” As we said before, we should avoid all kinds of silly, petty rules, emotionally spoken, without any rationality, and discipline meted out emotionally or never meted out.

Fathers, if you discipline your children with anger, you have lost the authority to discipline. The truth is, we all have done such things, but it is a serious sin we must avoid. When you are beginning to discipline in anger, you should pray and read the word of God. Otherwise, the children will become discouraged and you will not be respecting their personality. Created in the image and likeness of God, these helpless little people have been entrusted to your custody by God. You should never abuse them, but must treat them with respect.

Paul says fathers should not do certain things, but should do certain other things. “Bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” The Greek word is ektrephô, used in chapter 5 in terms of husband nourishing and cherishing his own body. Trephô means to feed; ektrephô means you make sure that you feed with the best nutrients so that the child will grow, not only physically, but spiritually.

What should parents feed their children? It is understood that we should feed them with proper physical food. But Jesus Christ said, “Man shall not live by bread alone.”

Man is not just body or mind, although this is what the world teaches us. Man is also spirit, and so the Bible tells us that man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God. In other words, yes, we must work and make money and provide our children with food and shelter and everything they need physically. Even the animals provide for their young. But animals are not concerned about the spiritual welfare of their children. Fathers, you are given the responsibility of feeding them, not only with physical food, but also with the spiritual food of the word of God. In other words, you are to evangelize them.

Child Evangelism

Fathers in particular are to evangelize their children because they are sinners. We do not believe in the theories of Dr. Spock or Marie Montessori and others who look upon man as essentially good. We do not believe our culture which says that man is essentially good. If we study biblical anthropology, especially when we look in Genesis 3, we are told about a serious moral fall which is cosmic in dimension. Because of the fall of Adam, every person is fallen-twisted in mind, will, and desires.

The truth is that man has sinned and come short of the glory of God. Because of this truth, a Christian father should not look upon his child as a saint, but see him as he truly is: created in the image and likeness of God, but that image now marred. He must recognize that his child is born a sinner and on his way to hell, and that he as a father is given the serious responsibility to evangelize that child through the law and the gospel.

How do we evangelize our children? Begin by teaching them the law of God and pointing out how they violate the law in their own lives. Tell them about the serious problem we all have of sin; then tell them about Jesus Christ and why he came. Tell them that in Jesus Christ they can be forgiven of all their sins and receive eternal life as well as the freedom to not sin, but to live for God. It is your responsibility, fathers, to tell these things to your children.

As a Christian father, your goal for your children should be to bring those little people to saving faith in Christ. Don’t feed your children spiritual junk food! I am ashamed of modern evangelical superficiality that does not preach the gospel. Don’t give your children the poison of secularism. It is child abuse to provide that child with spiritual junk food and outright secular poison and not provide him or her with the pearl of great price, the word of God. Fathers must bring their children up, giving them rich, nutritious food for the soul so that those children will grow, flourish, and be saved. Do everything so that they may grow up in the fear of God, grow up to love God, grow up to pray and trust in Jesus Christ, that they may also declare the gospel without shame. Remember the words of the psalmist: “How can a young man cleanse his way? By living according to your word.” The word of God is food for the soul. There is nothing more wonderful than to see a boy or a girl flourish in God, saying an emphatic “No” to sin and vigorously saying “Yes” to Jesus Christ!

We are told to bring them up in paideia and nouthesia. We must shape the will of the child through rigorous rules and discipline so that that child’s will is yielded to God as he yields to his parents. Our children are born sinners, which is why they go astray, so we must form and fashion their wills to do the will of God as expressed through our will. Additionally, we must shape the minds of our children so that they will think and love God’s truth. That is what it means to train them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. If you are a Christian father or mother, the singular purpose of God in giving you the temporary custody of your children is that you evangelize them so that they will become loyal to Jesus Christ.

What About You?

Parents, let me ask you: Have you so evangelized your children? Have you done the one thing that is needful? Did you bring them to a place where they love and worship God? If so, then you have done your job. But if your children are not serving God, you have a lot of work left to do. The purpose of marriage is not that you have children. The purpose of Christian marriage is to have godly children. To do that, you are to evangelize your children from infancy, as we read in 2 Timothy 1:5 and 3:15-16.

Children grow so quickly. They fly away, and you can never go back to raise them again. Parents, from the moment they are born, you are responsible to evangelize those children, nourishing them with the gospel as you try to deliver them from eternal hell. You, fathers, in particular have been given charge as the evangelists. You have been entrusted with the responsibility of preaching the law and the gospel, that you may bring those people in your household to salvation and experience great joy when that happens.

May God help us to not worry about being successful or educated at the expense of our children’s salvation! May we focus on the truth that there is a real hell, and our children are heading there unless God intervenes. God, who cannot lie, tells us himself that unless they repent and are saved, our children will go to hell. Fathers, you ought to tremble at the fate of your children. You must think, “A child of mine is heading to hell, and I must do everything I can to rescue him out of the fire.” That will spur you own to child evangelism.

May God help us, especially fathers, not to provoke our children to anger. May we determine this day to do everything in our power to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, that they may be saved eternally. Amen.